welcome to adulthood

Taking messages

2007-02-09T10:48:00.000-06:00

Many of you know that I don't like to check my messages. There are many reasons for this:

1. I have to use my minutes to check my messages
2. If it's important, they will cal back
3. I use the phone too much and don't like them anymore

Now some people find this annoying and rude. But really, it's not. Doesn't it say something that I care so much about so-and-so's call that returned it without even listening to the message? In reality, I only check the messages of people that I don't want to talk to right away. Think of messages as a screening process. If I listem to the message, then I am screening your call to see you are in critical need of a reponse. So really by not listening to your message, I'm being a loving and an affectionate person.

Get over it?!?

2006-12-20T11:54:00.000-06:00

It has been weeks since I wrote about how I hate splashback (see entry entitled, "Pee") but I still receive comments about it. I hadn't realized that I touched such a resounding chord with the splashback analyzers and haters. All I have to say is, I know how you feel, I appreciate your formulas and postulations, but perhaps we have dwelled upon this for too long. Just a thought.

Graduation

2006-12-08T12:22:00.000-06:00

I was reading my alumni magazine today (I receive this about once every couple of months at work) and found out that 1. Steve Forbes will be the commencement speaker at graduation and 2. Graduation will be split this year between graduate and undergraduate students.
All I have to say is, What the heck!?! I have to sit through a painfully boring graduate commencement last year and now this year someone finally realized the brilliant idea of splitting the students up!?! I feel very bad for my parents, friends, and me for having to sit through the torture of the 4 hour graduate and undergraduate ceremony. But in happy news, the ceremony is held this year on my birthday as well J
Also, we had Marilyn Carlson as our speaker last year, and I can’t decide if I would rather have her or Steve Forbes. I find Steve Forbes to be one of this people who are well-known but nobody really knows what that person does. Sure, there’s Forbes magazine, but he doesn’t actually write it. I mean seriously, what does Steve Forbes do?

On a side note, I am now production scheduling at my plant, so I work during the day now. Happiness is me!

Hell

2006-10-22T22:45:00.000-05:00

Today at church my pastor talked about Hell. Not the nice, watered down version of Hell, but the real fire and brimstone kind. It was kind of uncomfortable for the first few minutes because Christians tend to water down the realities of Hell. And even though I know I am not going to Hell, it was still uncomfortable to hear it. But then I realized that all my pastor was doing was telling the truth. He we telling the ugly truths of the Bible that no one ever wants to say because we want to make Jesus and Christianity sound like this cure all, wonderful nSYNC pop song. So then I was like bravo. But then I thought about all the possible non-Christians at church (we just finished up a 4 week outreach series so there were alot of new faces at church) and how the message might scare them off, so then I wanted the pastor to fluff it up a little bit. But then I realized that perhaps, all this fluff the church has been dishing is exactly the cause of the moral degeneration in the US. Maybe if more people told it just as it is, then we wouldn't have all these grey area Christians out there or perhaps more people would come to Jesus because they actually have some meat to sink their teeth into. It is interesting why the church and its body don't talk more about Hell and the consequences of not receiving salvation. Why is that?

Pee

2006-10-10T21:48:00.000-05:00

Guys should learn how to pee right. If you can't pee without spillage, then squat on the pot. People (i.e. me) don't like cleaning up after other people's pee and seeing pee stains around the toilet. If you are old enough to smoke, drink, date, or if your legs reach past the toilet seat then learn to pee into the toilet. It is very disgusting to for girls who clean the bathroom to find yellow suprises on the porcelain throne or the floor.

Thanks for your attention.

A blog about nothing

2006-10-03T18:23:00.000-05:00

I haven't blogged in a while because I tend to use a computer for most of my days at work and I get very sick of the thought of typing for the fun of it. Also I have no internet at my place. And up until recently my roommate and I have been stealing from a neighbor ("exodus"). Last week they decided to finally lock their access. All I have to say is whatever...the signal wasn't that great anyway. Why people can't share their internet with others is totally beyond me.

Other thoughts from this September...
never work 2nd shift because you get called in early ALL the time
country music isn't that bad when you listen to it every night
men over the age of 30 should never live with their parents...no exceptions
I look good in a freezer suit
I look really, really good in a freezer suit
I look like a big navy marshmellow good in a freezer suit
I like bossing people around...it comes naturally to a cut-throught businesswoman like me

I could probably write something more thought provoking, but the fact that I am writing at work is thought provoking enough for me right now.

My first week in review

2006-07-27T18:31:00.000-05:00

I was going to do my week in review sometime tomorrow, but life has been unexpectedly tiring.

I started work this Monday...and let's see what has happened in these last few days...

Tire troubles:
Monday: My atire pressure light comes on...I put air in my tires
Tuesday: Light comes on again...put air in all 4 tires
Wednesday: More light...more air
Thursday: More light...decided it was either a slow leak or broken light. Go to dealership to find out there is a nail in my back tire...call friend to get tired fixed.

Work schedule:
Monday: Get to work at 7:45am for training
Tuesday: Get to work at 7:30am to clean and organize my desk before the real work begins
Wednesday: Get to work by 7:15am for 7:30am meeting
Thursday: Get to work by 6:45am to shadow someone
Friday: Goal is to be at work between 6-6:30am to cover for someone
...hmm, I'm seeing a trend.

Sleep schedule:
Monday-Thursday: in bed by 9pm, lights out by 10pm

Fun times:
Tuesday: hip-hop class from 7-8:30pm

Conclusion: the life of an adult sucks. You're tired all the time, have car problems that you have no time to fix, have to go to bed eary, get up earlier, and have one night of fun a week.

Side note: although adulthood sucks, the job is pretty cool.

night

2006-07-23T23:10:00.000-05:00

It's 11pm and I can't seem to fall asleep. My body and mind are tired, yet I am unable to sleep. I think it is because I finally start work tomorrow. Yes, after 4 months off I have decided to take the road much traveled and become a working adult. No more daytime soaps, no more mid-morning naps, and no more daytime shopping trips. Instead I will work a 40 hour job where I get to work my way up to middle management and from a cube farm to an office with a door. I hope to someday work in an office with a window, then my dreams will be complete. Who needs a man or a family when they have a window in their office? I have heard that all the happy people in the world have a window in their office. I can only hope to have one soon.

P.S. I think my road to adulthood looks promising. Already, I have had the dubious title of Yogurt Fairy, I hope I can become good enough to earn another awesome title.

P.P.S. Never play Spider Solitare late at night, it's very addicting.

Repairmen

2006-07-18T10:52:00.000-05:00

I bought a grill the other day and the little thermometer on the grill didn't work. No big deal. I talked to the guys at Sears and they were kind enough to send out a repairman to look at the problem today. The lady on the phone told me that the repairman would be by sometime between 8-12. Again no big deal. She also told me that I will get a reminder call the night before. Call recieved, step one done. Finally, she told me that someone will call prior to coming to my house to make sure that the appointment is kept. If no one answers, then the repairman will assume no one is home and I have to reschedule. Kind of makes sense, so whatever.

I get up this morning at 7:30 and decided to do some cleaning. Well, I decided to clean, then shower seeing as how I might work up a sweat during cleaning or lose motivation after the shower. So I get done with all my stuff at around 9. Now I want to shower. But the repairman hasn't called. So I take the phone into the shower with me and put the face of the phone towards me so that I can look at it every few minutes to make sure that I haven't missed a call. Shower done, still no call. Then I decided to clean some things up in the garage. So I take my phone with me. Cleaning done, still no call. Then I decided to vacuum and stuck the phone in my back "pocket". Vacuuming done, still no call. It is now 11am and I still have not received a call. In the meantime, however, I have become so paranoid that I will miss the repairman's call that the phone is no more than 6inches away from me at all times. I really hate repairmen, they know that they have control of time and my schedule for 4 hours today and they are using it to their full advantage. I am shaking my fist at them and silently cursing my willingness to give into their sick controlling ways. Blah.

The Joshua Project

2006-07-07T16:31:00.000-05:00

Since my life is pretty lame at the moment, I've decided to post the link to one of my favorite websites to wander around on. The Joshua Project is a website that posts statistics and facts on the least reached people groups in the world. The website is meant to inform, educate (as opposed to those that always are trying to sell Christians something or another) and bring people to prayer for the least reached people groups.
I like this website because it has easy to read charts and graphs, gives easy to read information about the people groups (and the information doesn't overload my teeny-tiny mind) and is a good reminder of the gap that is still out there between the reached and the unreached. Anyways, it's a good website to putz around on and learn and pray for things we don't always think about.

My wierd boyfriend

2006-06-28T14:33:00.000-05:00

Most of you who read this blog know my boyfriend and have met him. He's a pretty cool guy, lots of fun, etc, etc, etc. However, he has this one wierd quirk where he does not like to take "normal" pictures. Here is an example of one such picture:

In the picture I am hitting him and trying to get him to smile normal. Anyway, to no avail I yet to have a really "good" picture of Mike and me. I have tried hitting, coaxing, and every other trick in the book but still he takes pictures like these. Advice?

Joel is not what I want

2006-05-30T15:01:00.000-05:00

For those who don't know, I've spent the last week and a half in Houston and will be here for another week and half more. The state of Texas is very different than other states...on my way from the airport I say a billboard for a talk show that read "Liberals Hate Us" and haven't seen a Kerry-Edwards sticker anywhere. I also went to the Houston mega-church "Lakewood" this past Sunday with my parents. The pastor of Lakewood is Joel Osteen, and he's your typical Sunday morning TV preacher. In fact, I've noticed that most TV preachers come from Texas.
This church is located in the former Compaq Center, once home to the Houston Rockets. The church has 3 services and when we went on Sunday, the place was pretty packed out.
The preacher and his wife look so perfect that they almost look fake:

and the people in the church look like the most difficult choice in life as of late was deciding between generic coffee and Starbucks. I have no problem with people going to churchs like this, in fact my parents really like Joel Osteen and his style of preaching, but it's a little odd to look up at the pulpit and see a big gold spinning globe in place of the cross. It's also a little disconcerting to see a church that spend all its money and energy on a tiny section of the world (and might I add, one that really needs no monetary help) while forgetting the poor and homeless outside of Houston and around the world. I'm sure Joel Osteen does a great job of touching non-believer's hearts all around the US...but to me, it seems like he is only preaching half of the Truth. Yes there is joy in the Lord, and yes He will bless us, but I don't think becoming a Christian means that we will automatically live and walk the comfortable life or that it is God's desire to see us excel at our careers...yet this is what he preaches to his congregation every Sunday.

I think I'm learning that it's really important to pick a church whose goals and interests align with mine. What I mean is, although I agree with all of Lakewood's statements of faith...I also want a church that is involved in the needy areas of the world. And these "extracurriculars" are often not found in the church's faith statements. One of the things I like most about Church of the Open Door (my church in Minneapolis) is its purposeful goal of reaching the poor of Minneapolis and its involvement in giving help to those with AIDS in Africa. I don't think I will ever find "the perfect church" as it is made up of imperfect people with imperfect theology and mindset, so I think it is best to judge a church by its "extra-curriculars" rather than by the basics since 90% of the Protestant churchs out there seem to have the same typical statements of faith.

My toothbrush story

2006-05-11T11:07:00.000-05:00

Like Laura, I have had blogger's block for the last few weeks; so this isn't the most exciting of posts.

So my toothbrush fell in the toilet last night when I was getting ready for bed. I was feeling a little frustrated right before this incident happened and so I decided to reach down into the toilet with my bare hands to grab the toothbrush. I usually like to wear a rubber glove or use a plastic bag to retrieve things from the toilet, but last night I was too tired and aggrevated to care. Which means my care for oral hygene has been slipping.
A few months ago my headband fell in the toilet, instead of throwing it away I just rinsed it and rewore it a few weeks later...yuck
Yesterday I almost considered reusing the toothbrush. I bought the toothbrush less than 3 weeks ago and it was kind of expensive because it vibrates. I've never used a vibrating toothbrush before (and I'm not sure how I feel about it still) and was kind of sad to see it go into the toilet. So last night and this morning I had to use this monsterous toothbrush that I got for free from NWA and the dang thing barely fit inside my mouth.
Oh, I also believe in only taking one shower a day...and I don't usually make exceptions to this rule.

Already bored...

2006-05-02T08:11:00.000-05:00

Today is day 2 of my life as a bum...and I'm already starting to get a little bored. All my friends are either in school or at work and I still get up at 6 in the morning. Today I woke up and saw sunshine for the first time since the first day I got back from China. I was so excited to see the sun that I assumed it must be after 9am, afterall why would it be sunny at 6 in the morning? I decided that since its most likely 9, I can now get out of bed...boo- it was only a little after 7. So now I'm back in bed.

Yesterday I went for a run in my aunt and uncle's neighborhood. I got lost and had to ask for directions and wound up running/walking over 6 miles....another boo.

I also watched part of Anchorman yesterday--dumb movie, part of Kingdom of Heaven--too long, and part of In the Good Company--bad acting.

The only exciting highlight from yesterday was that my friend Laura called up with free tickets to see Shawn McDonald. He's got a really great voice and can play the guitar--very attractive qualities. I had to miss 24, but Anne's mom taped it for us, so I will get to watch it this Friday--yay.

Today's goals: find my purple sneakers, call up my loan officer, move crap out of my car from when I moved on Saturday, pick up photos from Target, and find a bookstore...all this to do and I only have 8 hours! I better pace myself.

My ode to toilets

2006-04-28T05:45:00.000-05:00

Having just been to China, I had the privilege of experiencing the evolution of the toilet system upon my various excursions in the country. So right now I would like to share my toilet encounters with you all.

Dirt Hole
The first toilet consisted of nothing more than a dirt hole in the ground. This toilet system can still be found throughout the Chinese countryside, at my relative's farms, and anywhere that a person "cannot hold it in" anymore. Below is a picture of me leaving from such an instance where the dirt hole system had to be used.

The wooden squatty potty

Next came the wooden squatty potty. It was an improvement from the hole in that you were guaranteed to avoid the "pee on yourself" folly that happens with the dirt hole system. However, the wooden squatty is also the breeding ground for diseases. This wooden squatty happen to be built in between 2 pig pens.

The ceramic squatty potty

This is the most common squatty potty found in China. I also encountered this toilet system in Narita International Airport. The advantages of this toilet is that it is easy to clean and is often times flushable. Also, the user avoids contact with any part of the toilet system, making this the preferred toilet system in public restrooms in China. A disadvantage is that not all people are capable of squatting as age and obesity can make this a difficult, if not impossible, way to use the bathroom.

The Porta Potty

The next generation of toilets came with the invention of the porta potty. Here, a sitting toilet is created and used but must be emptied out on a daily basis. The toilet is stored inside the house, usually next to a window. My aunt and uncle currently still use a toilet such as this. When I was little I was fascinated by their toilet and sat on it everytime I visited their place. A similar looking one can be seen below.

The wooden toilet

Next we have the wooden toilet. It's a toilet that is part ceramic and part wood. The toilet seat is made of wood and to flush the toilet you pull a lever and water comes charging from the plumbing. The disadvantage of this toilet is great, the greatest being the inability for the flush to generate enough water power to flush simple things like one sheet of toilet paper down the drain. This toilet can be found at my grandma's house. Unfortunately I forgot to take pictures of the toilet while I was there, so your imagination will have to do.

The Plastic Toilet

Next came the sitting toilet with plumbing and a plastic seat. Although this is better than all the previous systems, it still leaves something to be desired. Mainly, when sitting on this toilet it is difficult to determine whether you are actually sitting on a toilet seat or the rim of the toilet.

The Ceramic Toilet

Finally we have the toilet that most Americans are familiar with today. The ceramic toilet with a nice firm seat. Having used all the above on my last trip, the ceramic toilet is a little like finding candy amist a sea of vegetables.

China: more pictures

2006-04-23T22:37:00.000-05:00

Here are more pictures from my trip to Szechuan, the rest are going on my Facebook....

Here's me climbing through a bunch of trees to use the bathroom. Well, its not really a bathroom I was trying to reach so much as a place that was out of sight so that I could do my business with out people watching since I couldn't hold it in anymore...I know, big shocker. All I have to say is, Tony's little threat of pulling over to the side of the road no long scares me!

Here's some pretty scenery.

Here's more pictures of the extended family

Everyone in my family has the same eyes as it turns out, so it was a little scary seeing people I've never met and having them look like me. These are my cousins.

China Pictures

2006-04-23T19:45:00.000-05:00

Here are some pictures from my trip to Szechuan...

This is me with some of my cousins

This is me and the extended family.

This is me carrying a basket...because of the hilly terrain, the basket is how people carry stuff from place to place. (the thing weighs a ton!)

This is the house that my relatives live in. The house is over 120 years old...my great, great grandparents used to live in this house. It's made completely of concrete and wood, has no heat, and only recently was the floor cemented down (before it was made of dirt). It's probably one of the nicest houses in this village. The weather in Szechuan is very similar to the weather in southern Iowa, so in the wintertime the place gets really cold.

Here's a picture of my parents and me. This is here simply because I love my parents (and they sometimes check my blog) :-)

China: Last Sunday

2006-04-22T22:49:00.000-05:00

Do you ever do things that at the moment you do it, you know it's embarassing but you decide that the fun of doing the thing far outweighs the embarassment that you will feel afterwards?

This year and last year I made a few music videos with people from Navs. At the time it seemed like the funnest idea ever. However, the consequences have been rather embarassing. For example, last year's video fell into the hands of my friend Mike I. (actually my friend Mark P. is probably the biggest culprit) and a few other people. And let's just say, I've made an impression on almost every person to step into Mike's house. This year's video went to my parents, and once again, everyone that's been to my parent's place has witnessed my music video debut. I suppose I should be thankful that no one recorded Hill, Anne, Jerry's, and mine performance of a Celine Dion tune from last year.
I bring this up because my parents are showing my music video to my relatives right now and I am too embarassed to sit in the same room as the music videos unfold (yes, I say videos because I think they have a collection of at least 5 songs)
Sadly, I will probably make my self embarassed in similar ways by year end.

China; day-I've lost count

2006-04-22T09:39:00.000-05:00

There's this store called Carrefour by my parents place. It's a glorified Super-Walmart and I have managed to go to this store at least once a day since I've been in China. There's nothing special about the store, but I guess it shows how bored I sometimes get.

I've also had 2 facials and massages since I've been here and will probably get one more before I leave. The good thing about living in a city with a lot people is that labor supply always exceeds demand so things requiring people are always really cheap. I've never gotten naked in front of someone before and I can't say I really enjoy it. Only a towel of seperation between me and my massuer (sp?) doesn't seem like enough. I've never gotten a massage before and I must say, the awesomeness of it definately outweighs my self-consciousness, especially since I almost fell asleep the last time because it was so relaxing. I definately recommend it.

After reading what I wrote I realized that it's a rather boring entry. But just now I found 20 bucks next to the computer. The end.

More stuff on China

2006-04-21T09:33:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I've lost count as to how many days I've been in China, but I know that I have less than a week left.
I just returned from Szechuan (totally mispelled) yesterday. I went to a city that is about 2 hours outside of Chengdu, meaning, I was literally in the middle of nowhere. The city that I went to has some of the most incredible scenery that I've ever scene. The place is pretty much all mountains and streams and I guess pandas oringated from the region that I visited. It's incredible because techinally Szechuan is no longer considered to be the foothills of the Himalayas, yet the effects of the Himalayian mountains can be totally seen and felt. Anyways, enough about mountains and such.
I can't remember the name of the city that I just went to, but it is suppose to be my ancesteral home. And it turns out ALOT of my relatives live there. When we got to our hotel last Sunday we were greeted by over 30 relatives, all of whom I had no idea even existed. And as I later found out, over half the people in city are named Gao (the other half are named Yang), and are in some way or another related to me...apparently, transportation and travel is still in its infancy in this part of China.
Here are some other interesting tidbits from my trip:

1. My great grandparents used to own alot of land, infact my great grandfather was a landlord and got killed by bandits when my grandpa was fairly young. I also found out that during the Cultural Revolution my great grandmother was tortured and beaten to death because our family owned lots of land.
2. My relatives are also really, really poor. My family now only owns enough land to cultivate and feed themselves with not much left over, the rest were taken by the government and divided among the other villagers. In terms of poverty, I'm not really sure how to explain the depth of which poverty exists in this part of China. For instance, I make more money in 2 weeks than most of my family makes in a whole year...its amazing how much waste we have in our lives and how much we take things for granted and can live without when forced to.
3. Chinese people are also very collective and familar. Everything my family and I did while in Szechuan was done with the WHOLE family, we never spent any alone time other than to sleep. My relatives even followed me into the bathroom, which is really uncomfortable when its one of those open squatting things. On this trip I remembered how indivualistic I can be at times. For over 4 days I had absolutely no time to myself and I could feel the energy drain from me earlier and earlier each day. But I also realized how important family is and how strong my relatives hold that bond between kin to be true.
4. I also ate more unrecognizable food on this trip than any other time in my life. My relatives raise and grow all their own food and don't waste anything. And since I didn't want to be rude, I put things down my stomach that I had no idea where it came from or what part of a something that it was. Although I did pay for this as I got a mild case of food poisoning towards the last couple days of my trip.
5. It also turns out Chinese people hit on girls in pretty much the same way as Americans. For our trip we had a driver drive our family around to places and the driver kept wanting to talk to me. First, he said really bad things about Bush and our war on Iraq which made me really upset, but I didn't really want to say anything (see point number 6) and then right after that he said something to the extent of how fate has brought us together and so we're now friends or something like that. Then I went for a walk on my own (refer to point 3) and the driver followed me and was like, "follow me." Of course I was really hesitant, but since I had no excuse for saying no, so I followed him to our car and he started playing music for me and asked me if I knew what the words meant, which I didn't. (Thankfully then my dad and some other people got worried about me and started looking for me.) So that was the first full day in Szechuan. For the rest of the trip he kept saying how we're not so different, asked me if I had a boyfriend, asked me if I thought he was overweight (which translated in English is the equivelant of if I thought he looked good), making general conversation I didn't understand, and also took a picture of him and me together (and put his arm around me)...I don't think I've ever looked more uncomfortable than in these moments of correspondence.
6. I also understood about 15% of what people around me said. It turns out the language barrier was huge for my whole family as the dialect in Szechuan was really different and not everyone knew how to speak Manadrin well. So most of the time I just smiled and nodded, which was awkward at times because I should have responded during some key nod moments.

I think that's all I want to write for now as I'm sick of typying, I haven't used this much English in almost 2 weeks and its starting to exhaust me :-)

China: day 2-4ish

2006-04-13T02:00:00.000-05:00

Here are some interesting tidbits from my last few days in China...

Yesterday I went with my mom and a few relatives to visit my grandpa's gravesite. This is apparently a big deal in my family because they only go once a year and waited for me so that I could go with them. My mom and I left the house at around 7am to pick up my aunt because we had no idea where we were going. We got to the my aunt's place via a taxi and decided that since we were running late to take the taxi to the nearest subway station. It turns out the subway statation was on the other side my parent's house so we literally drove around in circles and wasted 25minutes. We took the subway to downtown Shanghai, which was supposedly by the bus stop that we needed to be at. It took us 15minutes to walk from the subway station to the bus stop. At the bus stop we waited for about 30-35minutes in the rain because buses in China runs late on rainy days. Then it took us another hour and 15minutes to get to the actual gravesite. That's 3 hours total. We were the last to get there and so we went to the gravesite, said some few things to a cement marker in the ground, put some flowers in a plant by the grave, and bowed our heads 3 times (didn't really understand this part, but I guess its what Chinese people do). We were at the gravesite for at MOST 20 minutes. We then waited 10minutes to get dropped off at the bus station and took an hour bus ride to one of my other aunt's places to have lunch. And then afterwards my mom and I walked 20minutes to catch a bus and road for another hour on a bus, then took a taxi to get home. In all I spent over 5 hours on the road and 20minutes at a gravesite. I did, however, manage to sit next to a smelly man on the bus and also caught a cold. Woohoo.
So the lesson from yesterday is this: transportation in China stinks! Walking, taxi, busing, it doesn't matter...it all takes forever.

Other actual highlights so far include seeing my little cousin (who thinks I'm like the best cousin the world), my senile grandmother (who at first didn't recognize me but then when she did hugged me and wouldn't let me go), being taller than most women and men, and spending time with the fam. I've also had my eyes reopened to the meaning of poverty but I will wait until after I get back from central China to talk about that.

Crappy highlights include having a "2nd hand smoker throat" (the pollution here is so bad that I have developed a continual scratch in my throat), having people stare at me all the time (apparently I look different), having a sore back from sleeping on a mattress that has the firmness of a wooden plank, not understanding what people say, not being able to read and therefore look stupid when I ask (which could explain why people keep looking at me funny), and catching a cold the 2nd day I was here.

I have however watched X-Men I and II, and bought Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (which I'm hoping will be able to be played in English), and will try to find and watch a pirated copy of the Da Vinci Code before I leave.

Finally, I have also learned that propriety does not exist in China. Don't ask me how I know, but trust me, I know.

Day 1 in China

2006-04-10T17:59:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I don't think I'm allowed to read blogs in while in China, perhaps its a security issue. It's about 7am here in Shanghai and I already have been up for at least 2 hours...gotta love jetlag. This morning I realized that Chinese television sucks. I don't understand what any of the shows are about, and the only channel that's in English is some dumb business news station. I found 2 stations that showed cartoons but the cartoons weren't that great either. My mom and I are going to go for a walk in a little bit to buy breakfast and I think I'm going to buy some English movies this afternoon so that I'll have something to watch in the mornings.

So here's a review of my long flight to China: I landed in Tokyo last night and had to use the bathroom. As I was walking in the bathroom I noticed 2 girls walking from stall to stall, I followed them to the back part of the bathroom and they went into their stalls. I looked left and I saw a sqauty-potty, with a nice picture drawn on the side on the stall to show that its a squatty-potty. At first I had thought I walked into the wrong bathroom, but then I realized that I was in Asia and people here use squatty-pottys. But do not worry...there were normal toilets on my right so I used those. My goal is to not use a squatty-potty the entire time I am here.

In China, I had to wait in line to clear customs. The line was super long so I decided to take my camera out and take a picture of the "Welcome to Shanghai" sign. A customs police than came over to me and told me I can't take pictures...oops, I now have a rare photo of a "Welcome to Shanghai" sign on my camera...perhaps I can sell it on Ebay:-)

Finally, this morning I got blasted in the shower. It was like that Sienfield episode where Kramer buys a super powerful, illegal showerhead. The showerhead was so powerful that I can only stay under the water for 10secs before needing a quick water break...crazy engineers!

So those are the happenings as of the last 24 or maybe its been 48 hours (I lost a day traveling so I'm a little confused)...hope all in well.

I'm off...

2006-04-08T22:06:00.000-05:00

Well, its close to bedtime and tomorrow I'm off to China. I haven't really had time to think about China so I haven't been as excited for this trip as I have been for other vacations. But the great news is: in less than 48 hours I will get to see my parents, and I haven't seen my mom in almost 4 months! I get to spend almost 3 weeks in China and my parents are taking me to a rather remote village in central China, so I'm really excited for that. Lately I have been feeling extra materialistic and self-centered and I am hoping for God to put some perspective in me while I am in China. I'm also hoping to get solid sleep in the next few weeks. Lately I've been waking up around the wee hours of the morning (I'm guessing somewhere between 4 and 5am) with dreams and break in my REM cycles; so if you would like, please pray that I will no longer wake up with sporadic dreams and such and to have continuous 8-9 hour sleepomg cylces.

I will miss talking and hanging out with everyone while I am away, but I look forward to hanging out with ya'll/y'all when I come back. Speaking of which, when I come back I will have absolutely nothing to do. I'm a little nervous about this, I have never not had direction in my life or things to do; but yet I have chosen to be a vagabond for 3 months of my life. My goal during this time is to grow closer to God, not go more into debt, spend time with family and friends, and to watch lots of movies and read lots of books. I hope to not be a complete bum; however, there are no garauntees. I'd also like to take cheap road trips to places, so if anyone has a good idea, please let me know.

Some movies I plan on watching this summer include: All 3 Lord of the Rings in a row (that's like 9 hours of continuous TV!), finish off Harry Potter, all the X-Mens (I've never seen), and any other comic-book type movies and lots of other more random ones. Books I plan on reading: that I'm not sure of, so if you have recommendations please let me know.

Well, its definately past my bedtime, as its approaching 10:30 now. Signing off from Minnesota, USA for probably the last time this month,

Chen

More stuff about CSOM

2006-04-07T01:10:00.000-05:00

So I wanted to write this down before I forget...tonight was the last night of business week at our school. For those of you who don't know what business week is, its a week long event that the business school puts on each spring where they bring in speakers and provide free breakfast, lunch, and dinner to CSOM students. The week is always capped off with a bar event. The bar event is THE main attraction of business week. Everyone whose over 21 and lives on campus goes to the event. Each year the school provides us with four free drinks, some munchies, and lots of people. Think of it as homecoming for college students. So tonight I went to our bar event and it was amazing! I saw some really awesome friends who I haven't seen all semester because of work and lack of school. We all drank together and danced together. I'm highlighting all this to point out another difference between CSOM relationships and other college relationships. Everyone at the bar knew each other or were seperated by one degree of seperation. Because of the closeness of each person's relationship with the people in the bar, things that happen in a normal bar do not happen at CSOM events. Don't get me wrong, people still get drunk; but things such as guys coming on to girls never happen...and if it does I can garauntee that its 1. Out of jest or 2. the guy is not a CSOMer. The reason for the lack of a booty call is obvious: you do not want to face the embarassment of your actions at school the next week. Just like high school, social protocals still exsist and breaking such norms would be detrimental to your social career. All this to say, if you think high school culture disappears in college, just come to a bar event and my friend Susan call tell you that high school culture is alive and well in CSOM...the only difference is that, the dress code is alot looser, alcohol is a legal substance, and your circle of friends gets bigger and more eclectic.

So here's some pictures of our exciting night:

This is us at the beginning of the night, and before I had my 2nd and 3rd shot of a drink called a mellonball (like I said, free drinks curteosy of our school and our student service fees).

Here's a picture of us after a few drinks and before we busted out on the dance floor to burn off all out calories:

Just like the picture, our brains were getting a little fuzzy, but even with the fuzziness social protocals remained unchanged...but just like high school there also the wierdos:

And the wannabees:

Ahhh..you gotta love dances. (I have more pictures, but for those you will have to stay tuned to Facebook and see the rest of the scandalous photots :-)

My top 10 list

2006-04-05T11:37:00.000-05:00

The art of saying no to guys can be a very tricky thing. You don’t want to come off as conceited and mean, but at the same time you don’t want to give the other guy hope. Having been both successful and unsuccessful in situations such as these I decided to come up with a top 10 list of things to say or do when rejecting the opposite sex:

10. Whenever possible play the dancing game. When the guy leans in to talk, you lean back. When the guy looks you in the eye, look away. Always counteract the other person’s move. By doing this, you are telling the person to maintain their current distance and that any advances are not welcomed.

9. Avoid eye contact. This is obvious, but when avoiding eye contact also make sure to not be blushing or smiling as this could be taken as “playing hard to get.”

8. Be non-responsive. Keep you answers short and to the point and never ask questions back or pretend to be anything more than just “politely” interested in what the other person is saying.

7. Walk away. If you are with friends pretend that your friends are the most interesting things in the world and that you cannot imagine a moment with them by your side, even if this new person is “really cute.” (And don’t be afraid to say this either, then you can avoid the whole “mean” thing)

6. Stare at them when they are talking and keep asking them to repeat themselves because you do not understand or cannot hear what they are saying.

5. Tell them that you have smelly feet or fart in front of them.

4. Lie and tell them you have a boyfriend, are gay, or just not interested in pursuing anything right now.

3. Pretend to be distracted by another person of the opposite sex and stare at that person until it becomes uncomfortable for all 3 people.

2. Take a couple of drinks in front of the person and then blame it on the alcohol when telling them about how they are “so not even worth talking to, let alone date.”

1. Tell them the truth, that they are not attractive, not personable, not worthy, or just plain not your type.

Oh cruel world!

2006-04-03T16:56:00.000-05:00

I have a rare allergic reaction to exercise that is often induced by the eating of seafood, and up until today it has been the only confirmed allergy. Now the correct medical terminology for my disease is called exercise-induced anaphylaxic shock. What happens is this: after cardiovascular exercise my body starts to swell and if the condition worsens my throat starts to swell up and I go into "shock" (blood pressure and heart rate drops) and need to shoot myself with an Epipen and some benedryl. I discovered this condition last April when I was running to class and passed out at Baseline, last summer I also went into shock after a step class in Boston. Since those times I have stopped eating seafood (which was the main cause of this disease) and have slowly gotten back into running.
I love running in the cities, it energizes me and, more importantly, it destresses me and takes my mind off of things I do not like or want to think about. I am suppose to run with a few things: an epipen, a cell phone, and a medical ID bracelet. I currently run with: my house keys and an IPod. Now, in order for me to carry all these things with me as I run is nearly impossible as stuff would fall out with every bounce of my step; so I chose to run at my own risk.
My doctor has always told me that certain pollens, trees, and other things natural to my environment could trigger an attack; but since each case is different, it is difficult to pinpoint exactly what it is I am allergic to. Today, I found out that I am allergic Spring. After my run, my arm started to do the normal red blotch and swelling thing; except today my hands also started to swell (sign number 1 of trouble) and then my lips (sign number 2) and then my face (this is where I usually go uh-oh). I was still a good quarter of a mile away from home (and my trusty epipen) and without a phone. I had a few choices: 1. Run home (which would make my condition worse, but get me closer to the epipen) 2. Rub my face and body (which might as well be a literal death sentence) or 3. Walk and pray that the swelling goes down once my heart rate decreases. I opted for choice 3 and after about 10 minutes, the swelling, itchiness, and redness started to die down.
Now here is my confession: I do not scared from many physical things, but this running thing has me a little nervous. It has been getting worse and worse as I get closer and closer to summer and I am afraid that one of these days I will need to shoot myself with the Pen again...so should I stop running outside altogether? But its the outside and the act of being there in physical exertion that makes me feel good...but what if I die from doing it?

The CSOM experience

2006-03-30T10:20:00.000-06:00

The Carlson School of Management has been know for many things: hot guys, snobby girls, world domination, and all the other things The Daily likes to write about the school. But at the school there are a few nuances that I have noticed and would now like to share with outsiders hoping to get a glimpse of the "privileged life."

The Male Population
There is this wide-held belief that Carlson guys are some how better looking than the average UofM male. A friend of mine always comments about how good-looking all these men are. This is myth number one: Carlson men are better looking that the average University male. Carlson men are known to dress in button-down shirts, nice jeans or pants, and nice shoes. The also have the tendency to comb their hair, get nice neat hair cuts, and carry around expensive looking accessories. However, all these adornments do not make the CSOM male better looking than the rest of the U. If you were to strip the Carlson man of his J.Crew wardrobe and salon cut, you would have another average-looking Joe. In fact, I would go so far as to say that CSOM men are LESS attractive than the average U population; afterall, to get into CSOM you had to have been studious during high school, and often times studious=nerd.
However, this is good proof that the way you dress can make you look better/worse than you actually are.

The Dating Scene
Myth Number 2 is that many people believe CSOM students interdate. This is also false. The majority of the CSOM population does not and will not date each other; and if dating should occur, these are short-lived flings, not long lasting relationships. Now myth number 2 only holds true during the college years and I can neither confirm nor deny what happens after graduation.
Now you may ask, why do Carlson students NOT interdate? It would seem to make sense that proximity would draw attraction, and from myth 1 we have already established that CSOM men are very attractive. So why are there no shenanigans happening within CSOM? The answer is simple:

1. CSOM students do not interact with each other until the 2nd half of sophomore year. Therefore, freshmen CSOM dating is more about probabilities than anything else.

2. By the time the typical CSOM student reaches the halls of Carlson, they have already been brainwashed into thinking that they need to be the best and greatest and whatever it is they are doing. Often times this takes the form of extra-curricula’s (which is practically a CSOM mandate), leadership, and anything else that would look good on a resume.

3. Obviously not everyone can be the best at everything, so a subtle sub current form of competition begins to take place. On the surface this seems all innocent and sweet; however, competition tends to bring out a crucial factor that leads to the lack of interdating. Girls are competing with guys for the same prizes: internships, leadership positions, etc; however, the winners of these competitions are split 50-50; meaning girls win half the time and boys win the other half. And if there is one thing a CSOMer man hates more than anything else is to date someone better than himself, thus putting half the CSOM female population out of reach. So what about the other half? Well, another thing a CSOM man hates is a girl with no potential, and these girls because of their lack of drive have given off the no potential vibe. This puts the average CSOM female in a precarious situation. She must walk the fine line of being too driven and not driven enough.

4. However, the average CSOM female does not want the CSOM male either. By the time sophomore year approaches, a few things have been hammered into the female’s mind: study abroad, internship, leadership, drive. Meaning: the average CSOM female is too driven to be bothered with the CSOM male whom she views as competition. And if you view someone as competition, you usually harbor no loving feelings of attraction to the other party.

5. Finally, the average CSOM student by junior year will have class with the same people over and over and over again, narrowing the pool of likely applicants even further.

Now the dating situation in CSOM is not something for people to feel sad about. In fact, we kind of like it this way. There is nothing less attractive than 2 ridiculously uptight people, one is more than enough.

The Female Population
Myth number three is that CSOM girls are stuck up and too focused on themselves to bother with others. Unfortunately this myth has a little bit of truth to it. The average female CSOM junior is focused on only one thing: getting the best job or internship she can. However, this phase only lasts for about 2-3 months (the length of most company’s recruiting time frame) and after she has secured her position in the world, she is once again free to pursue other options. The point is: CSOM females are not stuck up, they just dress to impress and are very focused on whatever goal is ahead of them. However, the CSOM female is focused on business during the prime lock-in your man time (think of it as steps people take to lock-in an interest rate for their house); making many of them single during senior year and the time leading up to graduation. However, this time of singleness is short-lived as most go into a committed relationship once they have started their full-time position and are married shortly after. (Like I said before, CSOMers are very focused, even when it comes to securing a relationship.)

Life after School
The final myth is that CSOMers have no fun after school. This is the biggest myth of all. The truth is we have more fun after college than most others and have jobs that require very little work out of us. Think of your typical engineers and then go into the finance department and compare their workload with one another. The truth is, we pay our dues during school (and when I say dues I am talking about the political and social dues that we pay to get to the position we are at) but once we have secured our prize, we revel in the glory of our win better than any other school.

I hope I have brought insight to you on the inner workings of Carlson. I am off now to get my picture taken for our senior yearbook and to enjoy some free pizza.

2006-03-28T15:28:00.000-06:00

My friend Lydia and I are going to go to the channel 4's downtown station tomorrow at 6pm and stand in behind their nightly news and try to get on TV. So please watch channel 4 tomorrow at 6pm to see us.

I signed a purchase agreement today!

2006-03-25T18:08:00.000-06:00

Ok, I usually don't post twice in one day but I'm just too excited about my new place. The first picture is of the living room, the second is my bathroom, and the third pic is of my room. I feel so grown up!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

2006-03-25T09:44:00.001-06:00

I like to watch cartoons on Saturday mornings. I usually watch about 3 hours worth of cartoons each morning and then officially start my day at around 11. I figure most people my age do not get up until about this time anyway, so I'm not really wasting my morning. Anyways, this blog entry really isn't about that per se. (Matt, please notice how I correctly spelled per se.) I watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles this morning (a show I used to watch when I was little) and they went through and explained how the turtles became mutants. It was very interesting because I had always assumed that they were originally human and then mixed with turtles somehow (think Spiderman or X-Men), but really they were turtles all along and then mutated into bigger turtles that have human characteristics. This is rather interesting, although a little unbelievable because I would have thought that many of the human characteristics picked up by the turtle can only be learned, which would be difficult seeing as how Splinter prevented the turtles from having any human interaction (except with April, but that was only after the turtles were already developed). The fact that I was actually in deep thought about this issue is probably a good sign that my brain has already started its transformation into useless things, although I did have a lapse yesterday at a supply chain club meeting. Hopefully by the end of May my brain will have turned 100% into a vat of useless knowledge.

Dirty little secrets

2006-03-21T13:03:00.000-06:00

Ok, so everyone has them...you know stupid, silly things you enjoy even though the world tells you its dorky or trashy. For me, my new addiction has been Days of Our Lives. It started out innocently enough with me casually listening to the show while my roommate sat intently staring at the TV. But somewhere along the way I found myself looking forward to the days when I would be home to watch Days of Our Lives, but still I told myself "it's Hillary's show and I'm just along for moral support." Well yesterday I crossed over to the dark side. I watched Days (yes, I have now started to refer to the show by its more commonly known name) all by myself, and enjoyed it.

The Kerry, Austin, Lucas, and Sammy saga has captured my heart, as has the Belle and Sean situation. Who will Kerry chose? Will Sean marry Mimi or make the right choice and chose Belle? All these questions must be answered, and I must know. I have become the typical soap junky. All that is missing is a bucket of wings and a screaming baby in the background.

But yet I have a sneaky suspicion that I am not the only one with a secret such as this.

My thoughts on the war in Iraq

2006-03-11T15:20:00.000-06:00

I think what I'm going to say will make a lot of my conservative friends mad, but I believe what I am about to say is true so I don't feel too bad about it. Before I start my rant I would like to say a few things about me: I still consider myself to be a conservative, a Republican, a Christian, a Bush-lover, and an American.

So I'm still reading this book by Shane Claiborne, the reason it has taken me so long to go through the book is because the things he talks about are very challenging to take in and so I can only read one chapter at a time. Today I read a chapter that was devoted mostly to the war on Iraq. Shane does not "support" the war on Iraq and he said a lot of things that I have been thinking about in the last year or so. I can still remember when congress voted to go to war and being very supportive of our nation's decision. I also remember a year after the decision and having a lot of my Christian friends waver in their support. However, I have always taken the stance that "what is done is done, and let's just finish the job." However, more and more I am becoming disturbed by this stance. The biggest reason I am becoming uncomfortable about the war in Iraq is that it seems like more and more those who are for the war identify themselves as Christians.
Yet, the more I read the Bible, the more I see contradictions between Christians supporting war and Jesus. Luke 9:56 says that "the Son of Man did not come to destroy people's lives but to save them." Jesus also said that if you live by the sword, you will die by the sword as well as blessed are the peacemakers. But what bothers me the most is that Jesus came to earth not as a political figure, and did not have a desire or a plan to bring a new political order to earth. In fact, so many people did not believe in Jesus because of his lack of political authority; and it seems like this was God's plan. Yet somehow over the last 2000 years, Jesus or at least Christianity, has become part of world and US politics. This has not been a bad thing altogether as I'm sure it has brought the Gospel to more people than otherwise would have. But should Christianity have ever become political?
I don't think Christianity was ever meant to be political. In Acts God brought thousands to Jesus and all throughout the New Testament people came to Christ without the need for a political movement. In fact, Christianity was almost anti-politics. So this brings me back to my concern from a couple of paragraphs ago. I find it rather difficult to support a war based on my faith or the faith of my President. What I mean is, knowing what we know now about Iraq and the war it seems difficult to maintain the same stance that I had from a few years ago.

I believe our decision to go to war with Iraq was based a lot on emotions. I'm not saying this to blame anyone or anything, as I think a majority of the people who are against the war now were for the war back then. But the war has also seemed to hurt and kill a lot of innocent Iraqis. There are casualties in any war, but I don't think Christians can be utilitarian and write off these casualties.

I think we made a mistake going to war with Iraq. We should have waited for the UN, for more evidence, for something more. Saddam is a very bad person and killed many innocent people, but our war has (accidentally) done the same. I find it hard to believe that our God is not creative enough to stop Saddam in any other way than war. But with that said, we all make mistakes and have to deal with the consequences of them, why should our government be any different? However, now comes the tougher question. Just because I believe we made a mistake going to war, does that justify us pulling out of the war. The economic side of me says yes- because all the costs incurred are already sunk and should not come into consideration. But the human side of me says it doesn't seem fair to go into a country, destroy it, realize its a mistake and leave without fixing it. So I don't really have an opinion on this part of my thoughts.
But I do believe that I need to be honest with people (mostly democrats and those who are against the war) and say that I made a mistake in supporting the war and that as a Christian I have to support peace and that it should never come at the cost of another person's life. But I am also called to submission to my government and will not protest against it as God is also the one who has put the government into place.
The point of my ranting is that I think we need to divorce our Christian identity from our American identity. Peter gave to Caesar what was Ceasar's and I think we can give to our government what is our government's and segregate our faith from politics. Thomas Jefferson understood the perils of having the government influence religion and it seems like he was right. Christians should not support war. Americans should support its government (and vote if they don't like it!). Do the two have to be mutually exclusive? I don't think so, at least it wasn't back in Jesus' day.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

2006-03-04T10:01:00.000-06:00

So I'm in my finals week and last night as a treat to myself I decided to rent Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, I've been wanting to watching all the Harry Potter movies ever since the Sorcerer's Stone was on TV a few weeks ago. So I rented the movie but didn't get a chance to start it until after midnight. But I thought to myself, its no big deal, little kids watch this movie.
Before I go any further into my story I would like to point out that I rented the movie from Blockbuster and it was found in the kids section next to Disney cartoons and the like. Also, I was home alone last night as my roomie has started moving into her new place.
So anyways I'm watching this movie and about an hour and forty minutes into it, the movie gets so scary that I cannot continue it any further. At this point it was about 1:30 in the morning and I'm so scared that I cannot go to bed. So I had to call my friend and he had to calm me down and then talk to me until I fell asleep. But this morning I woke up and with a great desire to finish the movie (I'm like a moth to a flame), so I got up and finished the movie and let me just say, thank goodness I didn't finish it last night because I think I would have lost all of my marbles then. I don't know what this movie was doing in the kids section, it is totally an adult movie with very scary things like spiders and snakes and sorcery. But the sad thing is, the movie still creeps me out enough that I cannot take a shower or move my butt from my seat...I have to wait a bit and let the movie simmer and die down in my brain before I can get enough courage to take my shower.

John 8

2006-02-24T09:43:00.000-06:00

I thought it was really interesting in John 8:30 where it says, "as He spoke these things (referring to things about Jesus being the Messiah), many came to believe in Him" and how for the rest of the chapter thereafter the people that believed Jesus in 8:30 went on this rant of sorts and ended up winding to stone him. So this leads me to to possible conclusions:

1. The people didn't really understand what it was that they are believing
2. Their belief was shallow

Conclusion 1:
I don't know how much I believe in this conclusion because this verse came right after Jesus' rant on how He's from God and sent by God and if it was a misunderstanding, then I think John would have pointed it out like he did in other chapters.

Conclusion 2:
This was the conclusion that I drew from the reading. I came to this conclusion because Jesus than went on to say some really hard things. Things like, you have to abide in my Word and God now has to be your father.
It must be easy to believe in things when there is nothing to be held accountable to, but so much more difficult when we have to make choices. I can see this so often in Christianity today. So many people call themselves Christians and believe that Jesus is who he says he is. But then when it's time to make a choice, they fight against God. They say things like, "God cannot be a loving God if...." and so many other things to make themselves feel comfortable.

The question that I have is, do people with shallow faith still go to Heaven? Romans 10:9-10 talks about confessing and believing...and people with shallow faith have that. But Romans also talks about a transforming faith (12:2) and many shallow Christians do not have that. 1 Corinthians talks about people still needing milk instead of solid food...but it makes the assumption that people crave solid food. What if people are ok with milk for the rest of their life? The gospels (John I think) talks about how narrow the road to Heaven is...does that mean shallow believers are not on this road? Otherwise the road would seem to be fairly wide and uncrowded.
I know some people may argue that if we have the Spirit inside of us, we cannot continue in shallow faith. But I know that in my walk, I have often tried to suppress the spirit's leading and guidance...and sadly, it was rather easy to do. So why cannot shallow Christians do that, especially if they were never truly trained to understand the spirit's directive?
I also understand that James talks about how even the demons believe in Jesus, so belief alone is not enough. But the thing is, demons don't praise God but alot of shallow Christians do. Their Christianity is one of comfort, but it's still very different than that of the demons.
I don't know the answer to my questions. Some days I think shallow Christians are only Christians by heritage but other days I think that they believe all the same things I do, but just have no desire to grow stronger.

Navs

2006-02-23T11:28:00.000-06:00

I was talking to a good friend the other day about the level of involvement with student groups that different people have. Since my freshmen year I have been involved with the Navigators. I was super involved my sophomore year and took a break my junior year to pursue other avenues of leadership and this year I've pretty limited myself to leading Bible Study on Tuesday nights. My friend has also been involved since his freshmen year and continues to be heavily involved with all aspects of the club. We were talking the other day and he shared with me his frustrations with people, mainly upperclassmen, who no longer go to Navs or "greet people" when they come to Navs. He thought it was very selfish of these people to only go to or be involved in something when they were benefiting from the organization, but once the people felt that they had no more benefits, they stopped being involved. I can understand where he is coming from, but I am also torn.

The premise for his argument is that, Navs isn't always going to fill you up but that there's a duty or obligation that overrides personal benefit. I partly agree with that. There are many things in life that we often do not feel like doing (like reading the Bible, prayer, etc) but have been called to obedience to do because in the long run, these things will better us and our relationship with God. However, I also have several big disagreements with my friend's argument.

Another premise for his argument is that the people in Navs and the Navigator organization should be growing together. I do not necessarily agree with that outlook. Navigators is an organization that is meant to serve the college population; it provides discipleship opportunities and fellowship for those looking to get connected and belong to the body of Christ. However, people grow out of college and move onto different things. Navs cannot grow out of college. What this means is that Navs will teach and reach a very specific genre of people. Navs will grow them and (hopefully) aid them in developing a deeper relationship with Jesus. But once growth occurs, the Nav model may no longer fit where the person is spiritually. It's not Nav's fault, and it's not the person's fault. But then the question becomes, do you continue to play in a pool that you have grown out of?

I have struggled with this question a lot in the past. Part of me does feel this sense of duty to an organization that has invested in me, but another part of me wants to take what I have received and invest it in other areas that I feel led to. However, we are only one person with a finite amount of time. Last year I chose to get involved with high school ministry which meant that Navs had to take a backseat. Do I feel bad? A little. But I would have felt worse if I had continued with my leadership involvement in Navs knowing that my heart was not there and that I could have invested both my heart and time in something that really mattered to me and God's kingdom.

Obviously, some people have to be in the pool, but I feel hypocritical telling someone to stay somewhere simply out of duty. I think there is a balance, but I'm not sure where the balance is. I can see and understand my friend's point very well. But I have also been that person who dreaded going to Navs but continued to go because of a sense of duty. So which is more important? And where is the balance?

Chcago

2006-02-19T10:29:00.000-06:00

So I was, and still am, in Chicago this weekend. At first I was really not looking forward to the trip but then I got here and saw the city skyline and I started to get excited at the idea of this weekend. And then the conference started and I'm meeting and talking to all these really nice people and eating really yummy food (and also met a really cute boy :-) But then...the dreaded case competition began. So here's the deal, in my group were a total of 6 people: 2 from Northwestern, 1 from Michigan State, 1 from Indiana State, and 1 from Madison. It started of ok, for the first half hour or so and then it turned bad. People were talking in really loud voices and yelling, this one guy kept saying he had ADD and could not stop walking around and the other girl just sat next to me in complete silence. So this happened from 7:30pm until about 10:30pm. During this time I was about ready to lose it, every single time me or this other guy Marcus would talk, the one guy from NW would cut us off and go on some stupid tangent. I got so angry! I've decided people from NW and Princeton are snobs and pricks. None of these people take business classes or know anything about the PRACTICE of business yet every single one thinks that they have THE right answer and are spouting off theories like they know everything. By the end of the night, all I wanted to do was just drink lots and lots. I was suppose to go out the bars with these people but after the horrible 3 hour event I decided to not go out with these people as I would probably lose it and do or say something stupid.

Anyways, my beef is with ivy leaguers. I don't understand why they think they are better than everyone else. All people learn at these schools are theories and philosophies, none of which does any good in the real world. Yet they all think they know the right answers and most importantly, know more than us Big Ten school people. I have never been more upset and literally sick to my stomache about such an inconsequential thing as I was last night. It's good thing there were a couple of others in my group to keep me sane. And even better that I get to home in a couple of hours.

There must be something in the air

2006-02-15T16:01:00.000-06:00

So both my roommate and I have been feeling blah lately. She's engaged to this really nice guy but they've hit on some rough times and so she's feeling really blah and I've been feeling blah for the last four months. And you know what they say, misery loves company.

We have moments of clarity every now and then, but then we also have these horrible "ahhh" moments. For example I came home today from work and I found my roommate in a rather bad mood and I was like "what's wrong?" After the usual, I don't want to talk about it response she told me about her problems with Drew. Mostly it came down to communication and how they are very different their communication style was. Anyways, it just broke my heart to see her struggling in her relationship with Drew.

And then there's me who has had "the look of death" every now and then as well as the depressive sighs (all in my roommate's words). So here we were these two really depressed looking girls who haven't really eaten anything in the last few days and are losing weight by the pounds each day. We get into these funks every now and then and I find the situation a little funny. There's nothing sadder then 2 girls moping around and going, "uhh, I can't hold anything down" and "uhh, life sucks." The only thing that seems to cheer us up is the Weight Watchers commercial. We think our neighbors' smelly food and cooking have seeped into our apartment and affected our brains.

My thoughts on trust

2006-02-13T19:05:00.000-06:00

At church yesterday Kurt spoke a little about trust and how from the moment we meet someone we subconsciously put the other person on trial for trust. They do something, and it earns our trust; they don't do something, and they lose our trust. And I think this theory sums up my generation's attitude on trust pretty well: everyone is on trial all the time when it comes to trust. This may or may not be a bad thing, except that everyone is human and therefore everyone will fail someone else's trust at some point or another.

Last week I had a chance to talk to Marti Kidd, who is on staff with the Navigators. I had to interview her about trust for my purchasing class and I asked her about her views on trust for my generation. First, she told me how when she was growing up, her friends and family naturally trusted people without the other party needing to "prove themselves." Then she told that she thinks my generation is less trusting then her generation, that we are always looking for signs of trust before we will place our trust in the other person. But here's the beautiful part of what Marti said: she said that this lack of trust that she sees in my generation comes from the fact that we no longer have good examples of trust in our lives; aka her generation has let my generation down. From divorce to politics to whatever, that it's not a coincidence that my generation is looking for proof. I thought what she said was really poignant and also true. But also very sad.

I want to trust people with an open heart and to do so without them having to prove themselves trustworthy. It's like my generation has lost the childlike faith that is needed to trust and instead almost expects the other person to let them down. It's like we almost look for ways for people to fail us and when we do we either 1. Say I told you so or 2. Say I don't understand how this could have happened.
I'm not saying that we lax the trust rules and go around making poor decisions and choices in friendships and relationships. I think I'm saying that we need to forgive better and not hold people to such high of expectations; because the higher you are, the harder and faster you fall.

A few weeks ago 2 close friends and I had "the burrito incident" where I had thought that I lost my trust in them completely and really didn't know how our friendships were going to heal and move on from this. It's true what they say that the closer a person is to you, the more they can hurt you with the little things. Anyways, I remember telling my friend that I really don't trust them anymore and that "if you can't be there for me in the little things, how can you be there for me in the big things." But the things is, these people are my friends. And of course they are going to let me down, but the thing is, they didn't do it on purpose. Although I had truly thought they did do it on purpose and "should have obviously known," they didn't. And it's no one's fault. I let one mistake, one tiny little thing, decide their feelings and attitudes towards me for the next one hundred years. As if "the burrito incident" was going to happen everyday, everytime, we were together. "The burrito incident" may happen again in the future (in fact, I know it will) but should that make me trust my friends any less? NO, we all make mistakes and sometimes make the same ones over and over again, but in the gap between the mistakes and trust is LOVE. And so here's the thing: trust isn't solely based on what the other person does. If it was, then I'd have no friends and no one to trust me and no one for me to trust, but it based on something more. It's based on the other person's heart and desire: what I mean is, trust is based our desire to serve and and be with the other person. Ultimately, my friends desire to be there for me, and sometimes that comes out looking like a big mess but their heart's in the right place and although what happened still hurts when I think about it, I also think about how this last week they were there for me during some of my roughest moments. And I know that "the burrito incident" was just an incident and not something for me to base our future trust and friendship on.

I think we take this whole, "don't break my trust and if you do, it can never be mended again" thing too seriously. At least, I know I do. I don't think trust really works like that. Yeah, if someone continuously lies to me or breaks my trust then I would probably not trust that person; but in general, I say go for it. Trust everyone, don't let them prove themselves because that takes too long and we can start becoming too legalistic about it as well. I say, no more trials and more open trust.

Got burned!

2006-02-12T16:28:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I wasn't feeling very well this morning and Matt came over to help me out. I told him that I had a stomach ache and wished that I had a heating pad. At first he took a towel and tried to get it as hot as he could and put it on my stomach. But the towel wasn't very hot and made my sheets moist which also wasn't so good. So then he decided to put the towel on a plate and heat up in a microwave. That seemed to do the trick, but the towel was still really hot and wet. Finally, we just took the plate with the hot towel on it and put the plate on my stomach. We also put another plate on top of the towel and made a hot plate heating pad sandwich. The good news is, the plate stayed really hot for a really long time so I found a really good cheap replacement for a heating pad. Well, a little over 4 hours later I decided to take a shower and when I looked in the mirror, I saw huge red prints on my stomach. Oops! I think I burned myself with a plate. Bet you don't hear that everyday.

A mid semester review of the year

2006-02-09T21:33:00.000-06:00

I am officially half way done with the semester and so it's time for another look back down the school year. Well, this semester has gone by very quickly, probably because I only have 8 weeks worth of classes this semester. Most days I don't really feel like a student, but this also makes me appreciate school more. I hate getting up at 7am, and just once I would like to sleep in on a Monday. Also, I've really enjoy listening to my professors talk, most have alot of wisdom and really great insight on business. And as always, I love the people at school.

As for the year, well fall feels like it was years ago. It seems like it was another lifetime. It feels like I've lived two very different lives this year. There's the me of the fall: very legalistic in my mindset and actions. And then there's me now: I don't know how to describe it other than post-modern, although I think this word is often overused and misused (including by people like me). I think alot of things have caused the changes in me. One of which I will detail here.

Earlier this school year I read Blue Like Jazz followed by all of Don Miller's other books. His theology and outlook on Christianity has challenged me alot in my walk this year. His novels coupled with church and some other books I've read has really impacted my thoughts and actions. Miller made Chrisitianity sound so simple (probably because it is) and so universal. For example, I look around me and often times see and feel like church is no longer designed for those seeking Christ but for those who've already found him. And his stories on life has challenged me and reminded me that everyone wants Jesus. Not everyone wants Christianity, but I believe that everyone wants Jesus. And if this is true, then it makes sharing Jesus very easy. I'm not trying to sell someone on something they don't want, but rather giving the people what they want.

And this outlook, put into action, is much different than the me that was this fall. This fall I was still trying to do everything and be everywhere. But now, it doesn't really matter where I am or what I do, so long as I do it with all the purpose that I have in me. And so I've cut back alot on my commitments and different things and people that I'm involved in and with. I miss alot of the stuff I did last year and alot of the people I don't get to spend as much time with. But at the same time I think things like Bible study and the friendships that I do have have been more intentional and have grown tremendously.

I wish alot of things were different or turned out differently this semester and I wish that I had alot of my stuff for the future settled. But I'll take whatever God decides to dish out to me. Today I was reading Job and I think this verse sums up the school year fairly well: The Lord gives and the Lords takes away, but I will bless the name of the Lord.

As I look to wrap up my time in college, I pray that God will show me where to go and heal the the brokeness that is inside of me. I also pray that I will continue to shine for Him, even when I feel like a lump coal. Finally, I just pray that as God looks back at my time in college that I will hear the words "well done good and faithful servant" from Him soneday when I stand in Gloryland.

2006-02-09T11:18:00.000-06:00

Ok, I have moer to say about my horrible last 24 hours.

I now have this guy asking me to be my Facebook friend. He's really old and creepy and I don't even know how he knows me or found my info. I thought he worked with my friend Jordan, but he doesn't and now he keeps messaging me. Boo.

Also my ears won't stop bleeding. And they're starting to hurt, I'll probably get an infection and then green ear lobes for the next three weeks.

Thanks guys!

2006-02-09T07:59:00.000-06:00

I found out some rather heart breaking news yesterday and I just want to thank Bec, Hill, and Matt for being there for me. Ecc 4:9 says that two are better than one for they have a good return on their works, and that is so true. Sometimes there's nothing your friends can say to make you feel better about a situation; but like Job's friends, often times just sitting with them is more than enough. So thanks guys for being there for me when I really needed it!

Also, I was reading and thinking about Psalm 37 this morning and I was reminded that I was young and now I am old, but I have never seen the righteous foresaken. And though I fall, I will not fall headlong because He is holding my hand. And I think that's the beautiful thing about our relationship with God, we can get so mad at Him for our current situation, but we know that we can never stop loving Him.

Does this make me wierd?

2006-02-07T16:31:00.000-06:00

I just finished writing a paper on trust and purchasing for my purchasing class while watching Oprah and drinking Mike's. I feel a little bit buzzed right now, which has made paper writing a little more challenging. I'm looking forward to editing my paper tomorrow and seeing if anything that I have written makes sense. Is it considered an alcoholic behavior to drink alone while watching Oprah?

BTW- today's Oprah has Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. They are so sweet to each other. I hope someday my husband will be as sweet to me as Tim is to Faith. I think I am rambling now and I'm starting to shake a little bit. (I think the shaking is from the coldness) I have to prep Bible study in a little bit, I hope this fuzzy feeling wears off because I'm leading BS on my own today and it would not be cool to have this feeling during the study.

Ok, I've put the drinks away now...but it tastes so good :-)

For as high as His ways are about ours...

2006-02-06T08:57:00.000-06:00

You know how there are people that you meet or are friends with and although you are not an intrict part of their lives, you pray that they are surrounded with wonderful Christian friends? I have a few friends who I have met over the years and because of geography or whatever reason, we do not keep in touch as much as we should.
Last night I was talking to a friend from school about a mutual friend we both have. I met our mutual friend a couple years back and spent almost 2 months traveling and getting to know the person. He's not a Christian but he has such a wonderful personality and heart and I prayed that God would just surround him with wonderful people who loved Jesus. Well, God totally answered my prayers. It turns out that this guy's roommate for the last two years has been a guy from Navs (whose name and face I totally did not put together until much later). And so in my conversation last night I asked my friend how our mutual friend was doing in his faith. Although I wish I could say that a beautiful conversion story emerged, it didn't. But talking to my friend was a wonderful reminder about how God works and is working in ways we cannot see. My friend told me how God had surrounded our mutual friend with others who were intentional in their relationship with him and I think that although no outward signs of change can be seen God is totally trying to work and pierce through my friend's heart. Praise God for working in the hearts of men and for working in ways we cannot see or understand.

2006-02-03T13:00:00.000-06:00

On the Office last night one of the guys said something about how if women got together for too long they'd all be on the same cycle and then they'd plug up the plumbing...I don't know if that's true or not but my roommate and I have had some weird "twin" moments as of late:

1. Yesterday: we both randomly decided to get our haircut. We talked about the possibility a couple of weeks and ago and yesterday (without even mentioning it to each other) went out and got our haircuts. The strange thing is that we both got our hair cut in almost the exact same style (hard to imagine since that means my roommate chopped off her hair).

2. We both decided yesterday to buy a box of hair coloring and color our hair. Odd, since we never discussed this and since we both have not done anything to our hairs in a very long time.

3. Finally, yesterday we both purchased a ten pound bag of potatoes, so we now have 20lbs of potatoes in our possession. This is odd because I was not planning on buying pototoes yesterday and just happened across them at Super Target. My roommate also does not purchase big bags of pototoes (we try to limit our tato intake to 5lbs per purchase) but decided what the heck when she was at Rainbow yesterday.

All this I found out last night after she came home. I think it's sign that we have been living together for too long. It's a good thing she's getting married.

The perils of being a women

2006-02-02T10:39:00.000-06:00

A couple of nights ago my computer experienced the blue screen of death and now it's at Best Buy for a diagnostic check. The horrible thing is, I just finished paying off my computer this month and it makes me sad to think that I might have to spend money to get my computer fixed. I hava a warranty but the guys at Best Buy says it doesn't cover my possible problem. The good news is that my friend told me that the same thing happened to his girlfriend and he went in and did some talking and yelling and showing of her contract and got the thing fixed for free.
But this leads me to my beef. Why is it that girls are seen as incompetent when it comes dealing with these sort of "get in the salesperson's face" situations. Earlier this fall, I had another computer problem with Best Buy and the situation got so frustrating that I almost started crying in the store (but I didn't, instead I went to my car and called people to complain). I think the people who at these places know that girls are weak and so they just push us around all the stinkin time. Well, I'm sick of people treating me like that. I bet if one of my guy friends had gone into the store with the same problem, they wouldn't have been like, "oh it's for sure a software problem, do you want to prepay to get it fixed?"
Whatever, boys are stupid.

(Ok, I do admit that I have received alot of things for free because I am a girl. But if I were to do a cost-benefit analysis on the things that I have received for free and the opportunity cost of the things that I have experienced grief about... the cost is much greater than the benefit. Sometimes being a girl is very difficult)

2006-01-30T11:23:00.000-06:00

Here's part of a 3-way email conversation I had today with Susan and Jordan. I need advice, so please let me know what you think.

Me:
Hey guys,

so this wierd thing happened to me at church yesterday and I want your opinions on it (Jordan-this was my story for you yesterday). So I usually sit by Laura Ibsen at church but yestrday she was late and didn't have a phone on her so I started looking for a seat myself. Church fills up really fast so I was looking for a spot and this guy said that he could move over and let me squeeze in. So I sit down and the guy's like my name is Mike what's your name. So I tell him my name and we make the small courtesy social talk. So the band starts playing and I'm pretty much ignoring the guy and staring away at this point as I really had nothing to say to him. He keeps talking me and then during the welcome song asks me for my phone number. He was like, I should get your number so that we can talk later this week (or something along those lines). I didn't really know what to do or say so I say "sure" and give him one of those awkward smiles that you give when you don't know what to say but want to fill up space and time.
Well, Laura finds me once service starts and I move in so that she can sit next to me. But all during service I was trying to figure out a way to not give out my number. I really couldn't come up with a good excuse or way to get out of church early or whatever. So at the end of the service he asks me for my number. Once again I say "sure" and give him my number. (BTW- sure means no, it's a simple coverup for those of us who don't like saying no to people) By this point I think I'm starting to look really frazzled but I give him my number and then take off like a rabbit to say hi to my friend Matt.
Now, is this a common occurence at church? I was thinking, or hoping, that maybe I've spent too much time in bars, schools, etc where the only time a guy asks you for your number in the first couple of minutes of meeting you is to ask you out. I was thinking maybe he's like a Mike Iverson and likes to overstretch the boundaries of typical social protocol. I don't know.
I told my friend about what happened and he said I should just screen my calls and not answer the phone. But doesn't that seem unChristian of me? Maybe this guy really just wants to be friends and that's how people do things in the world of Edina. So yeah, I need advice, does this incident seem shady to you guys?

Susan:
haha...chen that is so funny. now i wish i would have gone with you.i find it kind of akward that he asked you for your number after just talkingwith him for what, 5 mins. but then again maybe he felt sparks talking to youin those 5 mins. did he seem like a nice guy. at least out of high school?maybe he was dumbfound by your beauty and he forgot where he was and how toact? or maybe he was a mike iverson. either way, it can't hurt to talk to himand see what he wants. screening and not answering is mean. i know what itfeels like to give your number away when you dont want to and then have thatperson call you. but think of it this way. you go to that church and heprobably does to, what if he calls you this week and you screen and ignore it,and then see him next week. isn't that going to be a little more akward. eventhough i didn't want to talk to the guy from escape, i still did because ididn't want to seem mean and it be akward if i ever went back there and he wasworking.unless the guy was creepy and starts to stalk you, then thats another story.

Jordan:
Yes it seems shady to me. Extremely shady. I might not be the one toask, because I am the kind of guy who strives to NEVER be that guy whojust asks for a number within two minutes of meeting--i.e., theoverbearing guy that won't leave a poor girl alone. This might be whyI'm always single because I err too much on the other side...but Iabsolutely don't want to be that annoying guy. So I look upon peoplelike this guy with a very cynical view. Anyway, I know Chris Hill wouldagree with me when I say that guy is definitely interested in more thanjust being friends (which is ridiculous, since he just met you). CouldI be wrong? Yes. But I put it at 95% that he has a romantic interest. How to handle that? I have no idea. That's why I'm glad I'm not agirl. If he calls, which I'm sure he will, I suppose you could:1. Screen his call. And continue to avoid him. The problem with thisis that it requires lots of effort on your part...and hopefully he'llcatch the signal, but it seems like people with his very forwardpersonality often miss such signals. This would mean eventually youmight have to be blunt anyway. It might only delay the inevitable.2. Answer when he calls and bluntly tell him you're not interested inbeing more than friends. The problem is that if he really only wants tobe friends (doubtful) this will seem presumptuous of you.3. Answer the phone, he'll probably want to meet somewhere alone withyou. You can go and as he gets more and more forward, which I bet hewill, you tell him you're not interested.That's about all I can come up with. Thoughts? Let me apologize onbehalf of the morons in my gender.

Susan:
those three things that jordan said are true. you can dodge thebullet, be forward and tell him you don't want anything, or give it a whirl.but if you are not interested, don't waste your time and his. but the problemwith this is that sometimes you just aren't sure. even when you think you are,you can be wrong. maybe this guy really does just want to be friends. and inthat case. use your best judgment, do you really want to invest in him andspend time being his friend. first impressions mean a lot to me, a lot oftimes in the first few minutes you can feel things out and know if you want toget to know the person. is that the case with this dude? or were you justbeing nice? if thats the case, tell him your in your last semester and superbusy with work and class and just spending time with your other friends. he'llget the point....hopefully. jordan's right, some people are oblivious.

Jordan:
That actually sounds quite wise. Yes, it is an annoying thing to have to deal with this guy, but when put in perspective...it's not the end of the world. You can answer his call and if he freaks you out you can remove yourself from him at that point. I don't know. I suck at relationships. I think Suze makes sense.

Me:
Don't worry Jordan, I suck at relationships tooa dn I appreciate you apologizing for the male race.
Well, I'm not really sure what I'll do. I agree with Suz though that if I ever did run into this guy at church again (although I don't know if I would recognize him) it would be mean and awkward to not have returned his call. But I also know myself, if someone calls me to ask to talk and hang out and I cannot fully confirm their interest me then I will always say yes because I feel mean otherwise (like Suz said). But then you get into trouble because you run the possiblity of leading someone on. I definately have no interest in this guy, and this sounds kind of mean, but I really don't want to be his friend either. He was too talkative for me. (BTW- he's not in high school, I think he does something in printing, whatever that's suppose to mean)
So I guess the question is, does a guy get hurt more if you say yes and then tell him no face to face, or if you say no right away and just be the jerk that wants no friends?

And this is where the conversation is at. So as you can all see, I have had a very busy morning (actually I have a lot of work to do today). But I'm still unsure as to what to do, mostly because I don't want to be a jerk to people. Mean people aren't very nice or loving or Christlike. So if anyone has a really genius idea as to how I can get out of this situation, please let me know.

What if....

2006-01-29T17:24:00.000-06:00

Below is the journaling of my conversation with God today as I was coming home from Caribou. My disclaimer is that I have very scattered and often incoherent thoughts when I talk to God, even when I write them down.

Most days I live my life for the big events and moments, but what if those are not the things that define my life. What if it’s in the little moments? What if my true moments of clarity come from the everyday and the small happenstances that seem to clutter my life as I search and wait for the big events?

What if at the end of the day I am defined by the simple moments in my life? Moments like running through a parade with my best friend. Snippets like talking with the Caribou people and learning their interests and mine. Nights like dancing with your friends or running into the guy from school. What if the moments that made me understand life the most were simple 5am phone calls to say “hi” or conversations about Matt Damon and Ben Affleck’s head? Or the moments that brought the most joy are sitting in an airport with my dad or a simple reminder from God that “everything leads to Me.” Or crazy 3am conversations with your roommate about stupid things that boys do and say. Or allowing your make-up happy friend to put nasty stuff all over your face. Or loving people who are completely different from you? What if the “milestones” in our life really aren’t milestones but simple markers that we put up to cover up the truth: that life is small. And what if it’s ok that life is small?

Well, I don’t think things like moving to California or buying a house or working third shift matter too much anymore. In fact, these things almost become a deterrence. They are deterring me from embracing the true moments that define me; little moments that are filled with a big God. What if when we get to Heaven, all the moments in our life look the same to God? And what I would do if God asked me why I sacrificed the little moments in wait of the big one? What would I say?

I never understood talks on revolutions. Things like political and spiritual revivals always befuddled me. I have a desire to be greater than I currently am: I want to love with a greater capacity, feel with a greater capacity, and worship with a great capacity. But I never understood how I can even help one person out of poverty, let alone a whole community. I never understood how I can demonstrate Christ’s love to one person, let alone a whole nation. And I never understood how to turn a desire for revolution into action. I expect revolutions to look powerful or make a big statement. But what if those statements are never made on earth? But what if I already am loving one person like Christ would? What if my Caribou moments and late night conversations are impacting Heaven? What if Heaven is never impacted by my big events but forever changed by the insignificant moments? Well, I guess that would make me appreciate relationships more. It would make me want to smile at everyone and everything. It would make me want to take the long way to work everyday. And it would make me want to live for relationships rather than for moments or events.

In the end, I worship a God who is relational, a God who is about love and small things and small people; so shouldn’t my life be about relationships and love and small things and small people?

It’s like we live in a world where we buy into the lie that big events like graduation and careers define our next stage in life. What if life has no stages? What if we made it all up? Would I be ok with that? What would my life look like if I did not have a big thing to accomplish or do? What if the only thing that’s big is God and he’s only big in the small things? I think we would all love a little more and fight a little less. And I think I would finally be satisfied and content with who I am and where I am and not wait for moments to define me but just live life and smile at everyone.

Bless the Broken Road

2006-01-27T10:58:00.000-06:00

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan, that is coming true

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lovers arms
This much I know, is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

The above is a song by Rascal Flatts. This is probably one of my two most favorite worship songs, that's right I said worship song. I think this song is such a beautiful description of our relationship with Jesus. In fact, I think there are alot of "secular" music out there that describe beautifully our relationship with God, often times better than Christian music. I just finished reading a great book by Donald Miller and in the book he talked about how our relationship with God can only be described through examples of our relationship with other people or experiences but that there is no logical way to textbook out God's love. And I think that's why songs like the above by Rascal Flatts make me think of Christ, because the emotions that songs like these stir are about as close to words as I can go to describe the greatness of Jesus.

Fine print

2006-01-26T11:40:00.000-06:00

So I have been at work bored and without any real work for the last couple of hours. Why do companies pay people to sit around and do nothing? It seems like such a waste of money and time. No wonder Wallstree loves people like Chainsaw Al who cut half of the fat in a company. Not that I'm saying my company is fat, but I really can't stand not having lots and lots of work. I'm one of those people who likes to work under stress. I like knowing that when I have one thing finished there is another thing waiting for. Yet, that's usually not the way it works. People will give me work to do, but then not give me all the stuff that I need so I sit arond waiting on people...boring. Ok enough about work.

I'm going to this business conference in Chicago in Feb and the thing is suppose to be completely paid for and reimbursed by the people running the show. Well, the cost is not completely covered. Currently (and I say currently because I have only started to make my travel arrangements) I have had to pay $25 for the conference fee, $22 for my plan ticket, about $60 for a round trip taxi from the airport to the hotel and back, and who knows what else. I figure I'll have spent about $100 on the entire conference, not bad, but definately not in the fine print when I signed up for this thing. I swear this is how life works: everyone makes things sound fine and dandy, but then you get screwed in the fine print.

Choices

2006-01-24T08:35:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I went out to lunch with some people from General Mills. The lunch was for all the U of M new Supply Chain hirs (that's 3 people). At the lunch I found out two things. The first exciting thing is that there are still locations open for the LMA position. So this morning I emailed our HR person to find out which locations they were: Milwaukee and Carson, CA. Carson is right outside of LA and was one of my top 3 or 4 choices for plant locations. So now here's my choice: do I ask to be transferred to Carson or do I stay in MN?
I would have never considered moving to a different plant location except for the past couple of weeks I've been in one of those moods where you wish you could go to a brand new place and start over and try something new and exciting. This is a phase that I go through at the beginning and end of each semester, and usually I'll wind up going somewhere: Denmark, Boston, wherever for a short time and satisfy my desire for change. Now, if I want to get out, it'll have to be for 2 years. That's a long time. But still, it's exciting to think about all the possibilities that LA can bring (although I'm actually not that big of a West Coast fan) and I would be oozing out rent money to a very liberal state...but maybe I'll suprise myself and everyone else by going there. Maybe. I've been known to make inportant decisions on a whim, probably not such a good idea but what can you do?

The other cool thing from yesterday's lunch was that it reaffirmed my view that we live in a well-connected, relational world. For example, the girl that I rode to the luncheon with turned out to know alot of the same people that I did and will be my demand planner when I start work this August (if I stay in Chan) and the guy who works at Chan who was also at lunch just got promoted and will be my LOP. So already I know a couple of the people that I will be working with. And if I go to Carson, I'll be back in yogurt and I already know a few of the LOPs from my internship this summer.
And, when I went to Boston over break I started talking to this girl at the airport (I like talking to people at the airport if I'm waiting a long time) and it turns out we had worked together when I was 16! I love all these little intricies and webs that our relationships with people spin. It's proof that we were made to be in relationships with people!

The strange men in my life

2006-01-19T11:32:00.000-06:00

This week I have already had two wierd encounters with men:

1. On Monday afternoon I took a nap in my living room. I usually don't lock my apartment door during the day because I believe I live in a relatively safe apartment building. So I'm taking my nap and I have my music on when I was startled awake by this man who had walked into my living room.
Here I must describe me place a little bit: When you walk into my apartment you will see the kitchen to your right and then must either walk through the kitchen to get to the living room or walk through a fairly long hallway to get to the living room. In other words, you do not wind up in the living room by "accident."
So I wake up to see this guy approaching the main part of the living room. He sees me wake up and begins to say I'm sorry. I sat up right away and gave him about 10 seconds to walk away. He didn't walk away so I begin to stand up and walk towards him and the door. He begins to back up. When we approach the front door, there's this other guy standing there and now he's telling me he's sorry. Both of these guys are still standing inside my apartment and instead of leaving, they keep telling me how sorry they are. So after a few more seconds of this, I finally say quietly to these people "get out" and start making my way towards them and the door. They back out and I lock my door immediately after that.
Since this incident, I have now started to lock my apartment door and get a creepy sensation when it's dark outside and I'm home alone. I realized last night that these men could have done anything to my place and to me, and no one would have even know until much later. Creepy.

2. I was walking home last night from my night class and crossed paths with this college student. He said "hi" to me in Chinese and I smile and nod. Before he spoke I thought I knew him from school, but after he said hi, I knew I didn't know him. Anyways, he then says something else in Chinese that I did not comprehend in the moment, and then he repeated what he said. I gave him a really confused look and said "What?" and shook my head as to say "I don't understand." So he goes nevermind and continues to walk on. I turn around and start walking home and right as I started to cross the street I realized the guy said "I love you" to me. Now, as far as I'm concerned, you don't say that to strangers when it's dark and late at night, even if you are trying to impress them with your language skills. A "how are you" whould have sufficed. So I'm walking home in the creepy darkness that violates my street, all the while thinking "man alive, who says that and boy is that creepy." I still have seven more weeks of class left, if things like this continue to happen I will seriously need to get myself a walking buddy. Creepy.

So like I told my friend Jordan: GUYS ARE CREEPY, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S DARK OUTSIDE.

Hierarchy

2006-01-16T14:04:00.000-06:00

I work at "corporate" and all it really means is that I happen to work in the same infrastructure as the "big wigs" of the company. This summer at worked at a plant, all this means is that I was working with the lowly workmen who actually produce the products that make the big wigs "big." I have been at work for close to three months now and here is what I have noticed:

1. I got no respect at the plant. When I was working in the plant, the people at corporate, and especially those at the plant, were not very, hmmm...how should I say this, "acquiescent" to my requests. It didn't matter if my request was a top priority for the company or if it would make their lives easier, it usually took people a long time to get around to what I needed them to do.

2. Now that I'm at corporate, people are actually apologizing to me. I sent out a request for someone at one of our plants to do something today. The request was important, but didn't need to be done today. The email was brief and, in my opinion, could have also been worded nicer and fluffed up more. I wasn't really expecting an answer from anyone for awhile, if at all, and continued on with my work. About 2 hours later I get an email back from this person with a "high importance" tag next to the email and him telling me how sorry he was that he hadn't gotten to it earlier.

Now to put some perspective on the two points: Before at the plant I was essentially asking someone to fix my radiator, now I am asking someone to refill my windshield wiper fluid. Yet I get so much more urgency from the windshield wiper guy than from the radiator guy- both of which take equal time to do.

So I have to ask myself, why the sudden difference in attitude? It could be because people in NE are poopchunks and just don't like doing things, but I have to correspond with people all over the US now and all of them respond with this level of urgency that I have never experienced before. My conclusions is simply the fact that I am "at corporate." My title has not changed, in fact on every email I put my title as "LOP Intern." I suppose an "LOP Intern" is better than a "DMA intern" but I'm a lowly intern nonetheless. It's just that people have this fascination with corporate, as if it's this magical land where all your dreams come true. As if somehow in life there is this totem pole and that plants and their workers are always at the bottom.

This makes me very angry. I want people to do something because it's important and because its their job or good for the company; not because someone at "corporate" told them to do so. It's like the whole world lives by a totem pole mentality and we prioritize things and life in this way. I want to live in a blob, and in my blob all things are of equal importance and I do not classify things simply because one looks more important than the other or dresses better or has "big wigs" living in them.

I say we all stick to the totem pole people and live life like it's a blob.

Victoria's Secret

2006-01-11T08:32:00.000-06:00

I listen to KS95 when I am getting ready in the mornings and at around 7am they usually do a hot topic sort of segment. Today's thing was on little girls (12-13 year olds) buying "sexy" things from Victoria's Secret. Everyone on the radio thought this was a horrible thing and was totally grossed out by it. But as always, they have listeners call in and give their opinions. So this mom called in and talked about how she liked to buy her 12 year old daughter pretty underwear and camisoles and the like. And the people on the radio were like, gross- you should not be dressing/teaching your daughter like that. Another woman called in and said how she liked to buy her daughter "feminine" underwear from VS. Finally, someone with common sense called in. She worked at VS and said how these 12-13 year old girls would come into the store to buy things that she (a 20 year old) were embarassed to buy and wear.
So this got me thinking. Is this trend VS's fault or is it the parents or is it the media? I am 21 years old. Although I am very petite and skinny for my age, I have seen 12 year old girls and even the most developed ones aren't that much bigger than me. I say this because I cannot really fit into any of the sizes at VS. It's been a very long time since I have been inside that store, but this lead me to think a couple of things:
1. Perhaps VS has shrunk their sizes so that little girls can fit into their clothes
2. Perhaps 12 year old girls are becoming more developed than current high school and college girls
I don't know what the size range at VS is, but if little girls can fit into VS clothes then there is something wrong with VS. Little girls should not be shopping at that store and their moms should not encourage such behavior. Seriously, talk about girls selling themselves short. I blame the parents. Girls don't know what types of underwear are "sexy," they are taught it by their moms. And when these girls then learn about these things, they share it with other girls. But the root cause goes back to the moms. Media plays a role. But I hardly think a TV ad geared towards adult men and women can have such an impactful influence on little girls. VS plays a huge role, but even then the store displays are geared towards older women and perverted men. It's just hard for me to believe that a 12 year old can mistake advertising geared towards the 18+ (which is who VS says they target) for things that are attractive to them. Little girls always want to be big girls, but I really think the parents are the ones that encourage these thoughts to become action.

I love Greg

2006-01-10T08:11:00.000-06:00

Every morning the security guard at work says hi to me and asks me how I am doing. He is always smiling and chipper, never sad, never in a bad mood. There are about 1000 people that work at corporate and Greg knows every single person's name. He says hi to every one and always has something special to say to them. The great thing about Greg is that he seems like a very genuine person and everyone likes saying hi to to him. He is definately the highlight of my mornings. Which proves that everyone likes people that are nice.

Walking in Memphis

2006-01-05T14:44:00.000-06:00

There are some songs that you sing along to and know all the words but have absolutely no idea what any of the words mean. The below song is one such example. The song bothers me very much for this reason. What does it mean to be walking in Memphis? Someone please help me answer this question.

Put on my blue suede shoes And I boarded the plane Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues In the middle of the pouring rain W.C. Handy -- won't you look down over me Yeah I got a first class ticket But I'm as blue as a boy can be
Then I'm walking in Memphis Walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale Walking in Memphis But do I really feel the way I feel Saw the ghost of Elvis On Union Avenue Followed him up to the gates of Graceland Then I watched him walk right through Now security they did not see him They just hovered 'round his tomb But there's a pretty little thing Waiting for the King Down in the Jungle Room
(Chorus)
They've got catfish on the table They've got gospel in the air And Reverend Green be glad to see you When you haven't got a prayer But boy you've got a prayer in Memphis
Now Muriel plays piano Every Friday at the Hollywood And they brought me down to see her And they asked me if I would -- Do a little number And I sang with all my might And she said -- "Tell me are you a Christian child?" And I said "Ma'am I am tonight"
(Chorus)
Put on my blue suede shoes And I boarded the plane Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues In the middle of the pouring rain Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues In the middle of the pouring rain

Am I pregnant?

2006-01-04T14:27:00.000-06:00

As a fairly modest girl there are a few things that I never want to be caught purchasing, and one of them is a pregnancy test. I went shopping earlier this week and was asked to pick up a pregnancy test for my aunt who wasn't feeling so well. I didn't want seem like the uncooperative kid so I agreed to stop by Target and pick one up.
Arriving at Target, I realize that they are sold out of most of their pregnancy test kits (perhaps people in Boston like to get busy around this time of year, I don't know). I've never really looked at or purchased one of these kits before so I had to go through all the brands pick out the one that was both fast and accurate (as my aunt was catching a plane later that afternoon). So whatever, I spent about 15 minutes doing that and then proceeded immediately to the checkout counter. A very nice old lady rang me up and I couldn't help but notice her checking my finger for the obvious lack of a ring. I wanted to say something like, "this isn't for me," but I figure denial would only lead her to think that I really am a slut so I just didn't say anything.
The next morning I woke up feeling really nauseated. I thought "maybe I didn't eat enough last night before I went to bed," so I hopped out of bed at 7 in the morning and went downstairs to grab my typical breakfast-orange juice. After drinking it I felt a little better but then decided that maybe it was my tiredness that is making me sick so I went back upstairs to get some sleep. A couple of hours later, the orange juice found itself in my trash can (if you know what I mean). Being a big baby, I went to see my mom and told her what happened:

Me: I just threw up and feel kind of sick.

Mom: You're not pregnant too are you?

Me: No.

Mom: That would be kind of weird if you were.

Me: Yeah it would be, I think I would be a scientific first.

Moments later after talking to my dad...
Mom (half laughing): You really scared us this morning by telling me that you threw up and was feeling nauseous. I really thought for a moment that you were pregnant too.

Me: What?!?

So between the purchasing of a pregnancy test and my morning sickness moment, I almost thought I was pregnant. But then I reminded myself that a little something needs to happen first before I can get pregnant.

Bored

2006-01-03T12:58:00.000-06:00

I have now officially taken up residence in my parent's room. The bed in my room was too soft and made me feel really icky. However, because I am sick and weak I cannot leave this bed for if I do, I suffer the possibility of vertigo. The good news is I have now discovered that I have internet access if I do not move my body. Internet access has not been very helpful because I realized very quickly that I cannot do work from my home laptop so I will still be uber behind when I get to work on Thursday. Also today is Tuesday (I believe) so everyone I know is at work and therefore there is really no one to talk to online. So I think I will start be writing to everyone on my Facebook and then IMing people I haven't talked to in years and then, if I get really zealous, I might even throw my computer out the window and laugh at the boredom that I am currently experiencing.

2006-01-03T08:17:00.000-06:00

So I got really sick yesterday in Boston. I managed a new feat- I threw up in every single room that I stayed in, which is pretty difficult to do since there's a lot of rooms at my parent's place. Because of this and also because the weather in Boston stinks like no other I can't go back to Minneapolis until Wednesday...but I'm a super smart person, so I'm hoping to sweet talk my parents into letting me go home on the 6pm flight tonight...so I now must find brilliant ways to sweet talk them.

A subway ride down memory lane

2005-12-27T19:16:00.000-06:00

I took my family on a tour of Cambridge and downtown Boston today and it brought back many found memories of this summer and the city of Boston. Last summer was so simple: I get up, go to work, come home, rest, work out, and talk on the phone until I can't stay awake anymore and get up to do the same thing the next day. It was so easy, and so sure, and so relaxing. Now as 2006 approaches, life seems anything but easy, sure, and relaxing. I feel like I have a world of opportunity before me, but none of which is really what I want.
But that's a thought for another time and another place, back to Boston. There is something about public transportation that resounds so well in my soul. I love the feeling of being unseen in a sea of people. And rubbing shoulder to shoulder with another person on the street isn't bad either, it makes you feel like you are a part of something bigger than yourself. (Here I must soapboax for a moment: I feel like I really don't know a whole of people, myself included, that are living life for something bigger than themselves. Now, I'm not saying that people today are ignoring God or that we do not find God important, but that we get stuck in the little battles of life and forget that there is life and existence outside of our little battles. Why am I not married? How am I going to afford rent next month? What is my purpose in life? All these are significant questions and deserve seeking, but what happened to the bigger picture? What happened to living life for a bigger Something? I feel like we get so caught up in the little battles that we mistake them for the bigger Somethings) Anyways, I really like the subway system in Boston and I really wish Minnesota had a subway system. The lightrail is pretty sweet but it needs to have more intricacy and more jumbleness before I can love it the way I do the Boston T system.
Being back in Boston has reminded me how much the city had grown on me in the three months I was there. A friend from the summer was telling me how he kind of missed Boston and I knew exactly what he meant. There is something comforting about being in a city that you are familiar with, it's like a partial home no matter how far removed you get from the place. Certain sights, smells, and sounds bring up sweet memories and you wish for just a moment that those sweetnesses could be relived or stay for moments longer. When I lived in Boston I was the total anti-tourist. I never bothered to buy any souvenirs except a t-shirt and I totally regret it. Today I was a total tourist. My family and I purchased all the necessary tourist crap: a mug, keychains, magnets...the only thing I missed was the baseball cap, which will have to purchased later this week. I really wish I could rewind the last part of this year. Aside from the winter thing and the "my life seems like a big mess of gray" thing, Boston was fun. I had family here, friends here, and even visitors. AND I HAD THE SUBWAY. All I'm saying is, God speaks through machines and crowds and emptiness. And I swear He does his best talking when I'm on a subway.

Vanilla

2005-12-22T09:35:00.000-06:00

Work today is very slow. Already I have submitted an application for a conference in Chicago and updated my resume, and I still have two more hours to go.
I thought today I'd share of my wisdom and insights on dating. These are not really wisdom or insights, rather they are just thoughts or snipits of conversations that I have had with people. The reason I'm choosing to do this is because I had a long talk with a really good friend of mine about this topic and so I thought I'd share my advice with everyone. My friend is going back out with her exboyfriend, this in and of itself does not bother me. What I find rather peculiar is that she does not really seem to like her ex all that much. My conclusion of the matter is that she is settling. (There was a lot more to this conversation that led me to this conclusion.) Settling isn't so bad if its for a brief period in time, but not for the rest of your life. My friend's ex is like vanilla to her. Everyone likes vanilla and is willing to eat it, but no one wants vanilla for the rest of their life.
And this has been my conclusion. Everyone has a back-up or back-burner person, someone who is their vanilla. That person is comfortable, fun, and you can even be attracted to that person- but there is just no chemistry. And the hardest thing for girls (and guys) in their 20s to do is to not date their vanilla.
(*Just a note, I understand some people actually love vanilla. I use the vanilla as an example, you may replace vanilla with any flavor that you chose)

Minnesota Nice does not apply to driving

2005-12-21T10:08:00.000-06:00

Here's my rant on driving. Every morning I have to take 94W to 394. The problem with this route is that only the right-most lane allows you to merge onto 394. This really doesn't bother me too much and I usually stay on the right-most lane as soon as I get onto 94 or when it looks like traffic is starting to backup. But I have repeatedly noticed that people will zip by me in the left lane only to come to a complete stop and merge into my lane right before the 394 exit. Now here's my problem with this. You are the reason why traffic always moves so slow. The people who are in the right lane have to stop for you because you are a moron and want to save the extra 30 seconds by cutting in at the last minute. Also, who do you think you are? Are you too good to wait in the right lane? After a month of this, I have decided to no longer let any car in ahead of me. You do not deserve it. You KNOW well in advance that you need to be in the right-most lane, so don't take advantage of my Minnesota-nice by trying to cut infront of me. Also, people who do this are the most rude people in the world. Get in line and wait like like the rest of us; I don't care if you drive a BMW, don't mess with me!
Also, every afternoon I have to take the 55 and Cedar Ave exit. This is the most ridiculous exit in the world! When I get off of 55 I need to make a left turn onto Cedar and somedays I have waited at the stoplight for over 10 minutes! Most lights have some type of sensor thing with it so that it knows when a car has approached an intersection. This stupid light NEVER recognizes cars in the left lane. The light only changes color when there are cars waiting in the right lane, which is the stupidest logic in the world! Cars in the right lane can turn at anytime, they don't need to turn on green, but I do! This light has frustrated me so much that I have actually disobeyed the law and turned on red as well as made illegal U-turns. One night I was coming home on this road at like 1am and waited at the light for over 1o minutes, with the light taunting me. A car would get in the right lane and the little pedestrian signal would turn to "Don't Walk," but then the car would turn and the pedestrian light goes back to "Walk." For 10 minutes I sat in my car watching the light tease me- it was a roller coaster of emotions, one minute there's hope, the next anger, and then hope again. My beef is that I don't even know who to call about this problem. It's not like there's a magical stoplight notification number. So instead I am left fuming every afternoon.

Moments

2005-12-19T19:23:00.000-06:00

I love my friends. I love my friends very much.

My friend Laura last night gave me a picture of the two of us and it was so sweet. I loved the picture because sometimes its easier to not do something than it is to do something, so it means a lot when a person takes time to do something.

Tonight I went to dinner with three people from school that I met when I was in Denmark. We hang out about twice a semester, once in the beginning and once in the end, and always at Chipotle. It's nice because you get to catch up on other people's lives and see how even though it seems like we are so disconnected, we share so much in common.

Last Saturday I had a final that I did not feel very good coming out of it. I wound up going out to lunch with two of my friends and it was so much fun to just talk about nothing and spend time together in the company of good friends. By the time the three hour lunch was over, I had forgotten all about the stress of my test and felt very blessed by God. On Saturday night I also got to see my friend Laura Morgan who I haven't seen since before she got married. It was so nice to hang out in the company of old friends and catch up on everybody's lives. I haven't sat down and really talked with many of the people from Saturday night in probably four years!

On Thursday night I talked to an old friend from Freshman year. We haven't spoken in at least three years and just randomly started talking online. It was really neat because even though we haven't connected in over 3 years we still had a very good conversation. And it was such a good reminder that friendships and relationships really do stand the test of time.

On Wednesday night I'm going sledding with some friends from Target. I've known these people since I was 16 and all through work. Although jobs change and people change, its beautiful to know that you can always go back and connect with people. I haven't gone sledding in a couple of years and am thinking about investing $3 on a tube.

All this is a reminder that God loves us and loves for us to be in relationships. Relationships that challenges us, that grows us, and makes us a better person. I wish I could spend more time with each of my friends and I have not been proud of all the relationships and friendships that I have been in, but each one has led me closer to God. Like Donald Miller says in his book Through Painted Deserts, "Life is a dance towards God." So far my dance has been very sweet.

Random learnings from today

2005-12-16T20:08:00.000-06:00

I went to my friend's graduation ceremony today and had to sit through a really awful commencement speech by a former Mankato State Prez. Her entire speech was on tools. And at one point she actually said (and I quote), "A wrench is a wrench is a wrench, [pregnant pause]expect sometimes it's not." I also learned through the speech that we are all tools and can all use tools. As my friend pointed out during the speech, she is a psycho post-modernism woman. So as of today I have decided to become a wrench, except somedays I may chose to use my wrenchy-ness as a hammer and mix it up a little. Now everyone remember...you are all tools and can all use tools for the betterment of society.

I hate going on roadtrips with my friends. They claim I have this "thing" where I need to go to the bathroom every 2 hours. I find this to be a bit of an exaggeration. I think they just don't pay attention to their body's as well. I remember once over spring break in HS my friend Laura M and I had to use the bathroom REALLY bad, but because our friends were lost we had to wait almost an hour before we were allowed to stop and get out...I thought that was going to be the end of me and my bladder. All I'm saying is, I'm a pint sized person, pint sized people have pint sized organs...you do the math.

2005-12-15T10:20:00.000-06:00

I think I might develop carpal tunnel syndrome. I had to look the definition up, but I think there is a good chance that I will have it in my index finger on my left hand. I have been using this fingure repetitvely for hours at a time this last week and now the finger is sore that it feels like a seperate entity on my hands. Yep, I believe workman comp is in order soon.

Reflections

2005-12-14T13:10:00.000-06:00

Today was the last day of classes and for all intensive purposes the last day of my college career. Next semester I will only have 2 classes and they are only 2 credits a piece. Snowy days always put me in a reflective mood and today is no different. I thought I would take the time to reflect on this past semester and hopefully come up with more highlights than lowlights.

Highlight: Bible study with Pioneer freshmen. Going into the semester I was NOT planning on leading Bible study nor had the desire to. Yet God has a funny way of working things for the good of those who love Him. Over and over again this semester I have been encouraged by the people in my study- by their faith, by their dedication, and by their desire to know God more.

Lowlight: Group projects. This semester's projects have been horrible, all the projects that I undertook turned out to be very different from my expectations. My nonprofit project sponsor turned out to be very lame and my IDSc project made me feel unethical at times. It's funny because prior to this semester I have always had wonderful group project experiences and relished our group's accomplishments. Yet this semester, I feel the work that I have done is mediocre at best. Often times, group meetings seemed to have more frustrations than accomplishments.

Highlight: Meeting new people from classes and getting reacquainted with old ones. I went out yesterday with my management class to the Corner Bar and it was super fun relaxing and getting to know some of the people in my class better. I also went to Holidazzle for the first time in a few years and was a whiteboard for Halloween.

Lowlight: My schedule. This semester I only took 14 credits yet I felt more busy this semester than in previous years.

Highlight: Chinese Politics and Strategic management. I learned a lot from both classes and both classes challenged me in very different ways. I got to see life through the other side of the world (literally and metaphorically) and learned how to analyze and strategize better.

Lowlight: I went through a break up during a really busy part of the semester, which is not so good for the stress level.

Highlight: My increased stress level has made me loose 5 pounds this semester.

Highlight: I started an internship at General Mills and got to meet some really great people, work at a company that I would like to have a career with, and made some extra cash. I also accepted an offer to work in Chanhassen next summer and am looking forward to meeting more people and building relationships with my coworkers.

Lowlight: I will probably gain the weight back and then some when at Chanhassen. Also, I am often very bored at work, although hopefully not for long.

Highlight: I learned more about myself- from my selfishness to my need for a purpose in life.

I think this semester was a success. I give it a 7 out of 10.

Is He safe? No. But He is good.

2005-12-13T13:44:00.000-06:00

Work in the mornings have become super busy these last couple of days. I have at least four projects on my plate right now and have no idea what I'm suppose to do for at least 2 of them. But I still prefer to be busy over being bored. I also moved cubes today...an exciting change up and a good way to get me to clean my cube.

An update on my China trip, I'm now about 80% sure that the trip will not be happening this spring/summer. I'm going to try and find time to talk to a field rep in China sometime next week, but I'm pretty sure that there are no long term projects available this spring that I would be interested in, which now leaves me the question of what to do. I'm a little scared and overwhelmed about my plans for this spring. I went for a drive last night and realized that I am a very planned out person. I like to know where I am going and what I am doing, I think its because I feel like then I will be safe. So this is a chance for me to be unsafe with my life. No one ever said God is safe. It's a very daunting feeling not knowing what I am going to be doing three months from now. I know I don't want to work for a little bit. And I'm pretty sure I would like to leave Minnesota for a while also. I can't stand the vast unknown but I know that God is good and will show me what it means to have no plans of my own and lean fully on Him and His plans for my life.

Wow, I'm deep.

2005-12-12T07:12:00.000-06:00

I've had a rather interesting weekend, after a week filled with work I pretty much just shlopped my weekend away. I did however learn a few interesting things about myself. The first thing I learned about myself is how much I get discouraged by challenges and oppositions. This Saturday I went to go visit with a missionary couple about possible options for the summer and I just get so overwhelmed at the thought of having to figure out the next four months of my life. Sometimes, like right now, I get so overwhelmed that I really don't even want to go anywhere.

Saturday, I returned to middle school and helped my friend clean her classroom. I don't remember much from middle school but all I know is that those places are really, really dirty. I'm kind of surprised that I made it through those years alive and healthy. Perhaps this is why I no longer get the flu or other horrible diseases, my body has trained itself from years of public education to scorn and scoff at these diseases.

Sunday, I had an interesting conversation with a friend about the issue of forgiveness. To me, forgiveness means letting go of all resentment and bitterness that comes with the reasons that needed the forgiveness. For example, sophmore year I had very selfishly ruined a friendship but towards the end of the year and into next year we were able to talk our problems through and forgive each other. They hold no resentment against me and I hold none against them. I wish things would have worked out differently during our sophmore year, but I love this person today nonetheless, and I know they love me too ;-). Anyways, I was talking to my friend about the matter and they were telling me how they can forgive people but still hold resentment or be bitter against them. I found that to be a rather strange idea. I think the whole point of forgiveness, and what makes it so difficult, is that after you tell someone you forgive them you no longer let those things count against them. Your relationship with the person may have suffered from the tresspasses but your feelings for the person should no longer be hostile or bitter. I'm one of those people where alot of things bother me, but I forgive and forget them about a week after it happens and I just assume most people are like that too. Maybe this is why I like people so much, even if they were to tick me off or annoy me, I forget about those quirks a couple days later and am like, "yeah, we can hang out."

I'd like to raise a big class of Guinness to Os Guinness

2005-12-09T22:57:00.000-06:00

I feel like this entry should be dedicated to Joe as it is very long and full of obersevational thoughts, although I did not preview this in Word like a good observation's would have.

I find Os Guinness to be a genius. This is at least the third time that I've gone through his book
The Call, yet I never get tired of what he has to say. Today I read one of my favorite chapters which focuses on something he calls the Protestant distortion. This is the elevation of the secular at the expense of the spiritual. It's a reminder for people like me that work, career, and life in general is not fulfilling unless there is Someone calling me. Often times I have a tendency to act like this life is it. That I need a good job. I need to be significant. But more than that, I think we all have a need to prove that we are significant, that our lives are worth something. It's not good enough to know that we are significant and matter, we feel we need to prove it through the things we do, the people we meet, etc. But Os Guinness is so genius in reminding me that "everyone, everywhere, in everything" is not my calling in life. My primary calling in life is to Him, for Him, and by Him. Work matters because God matters. It's not that I will find significance in work, because I never will. But what makes work special is that God is special. I can never fulfill my true calling unless I am able to successfully fulfill both my primary calling and my secondary calling. Being called by God, to God, for God is not enough because God has also called me to everyone, everywhere, in everything. The great thing about the secondary calling is that it changes as I grow in Christ and learn from life. So right now I feel passionate about people and relationships but who knows what I will feel passionate about 5 years from now. But the neat thing is that my primary calling never changes. Oswald Chambers once said, "The one aim of the call of God is the satisfaction of God, not a call to do something for Him." I'm learning this more and more each day.

Once again this week I had to do a reality check on my life. On Tuesday night I returned a phone call from the missionary couple I am suppose to be working with this summer in China. I find out that they will most likely not be returning to China this Januraury. Right away my heart sank and I had flashbacks of what happened in the summer of 2003. That summer I was planning on going to China with the same couple for a 6 week missionary stay. About 3 weeks before the trip the SARS epidemic became too serious and the trip was cancelled. Even now I do not truly understand why God would challenge me and prepare me for a trip that He never had any intention of me going on. As I hung up the phone on Tuesday night the same thoughts ran through my mind. I had never wanted to go on mission trips and even now I often hesitate and am scared to go; but I know that this is what God wants for me to do and just like Jeremiah I feel like I can not shut it up inside of me. That night I learned that I am a very selfish person. A big part of why I wanted to go to China was to get away from my life. I look around me and I see so much materialism and selfish ambitions in my life and I wanted to get away from it so that I can learn to be selfish without materialism and ambition- aka I wanted to "discover" myself. Seriously, nothing is more selfish than that. Discovering myself--what makes me so important that I should be discovered anyway? Well, I came away from my Tuesday night experience and my Wednesday thinking day with an understanding about the root of my selfishness; but one thing still remained- I still feel called to that part of China, my heart still wanted to go there.

Well, God definitely has a sense of humor. The missionary couple calls me back on Thursday morning and we decide that we will meet tomorrow morning at 9am (I know, it's a Saturday!), Unable to contain my curiosity, I ask what they think the plan will be for me. And they said that they are thinking that since they will not be going back this spring that they would like for me to take over some of their teaching roles. Wow! I get to spend even more time with high school girls! This was amazing because I had truly thought that my options would be go with people I don't know and do this thing that I have never heard about or prepared for or prayed about; instead, it looks like I get to dig deeper into an area that I have a very soft spot for. What an amazing opportunity! Although so many things are still up in the air, I am confidant of a few things. What's meant to be will always be and nothing is ever over or complete because God is never over or complete.

I also got my case write up back from my strategic management class on Thursday and I got a 29 out of 30 on it which to me is the equivalent of an A++ since my professor thinks he's literally God's gift to strategy analysis- which he is not, I know people that have googled him and can prove it. Still, it was a nice redemptive day after a STRESSFUL week of writing papers (well, only one paper, but since my TA thinks I am a moron, it turned out to be alot harder than I had anticipated). I suppose I should praise God for Nike and its sweatshop laborers but somehow that seems inappropriate.

More Personal: a dedication to Bec

2005-12-05T07:26:00.000-06:00

I was told by a very good friend this week that my blogs aren't personal enough. So I promised her I would be more personal...although there is really nothing personal going on in my life right now, but I will give it a go.
This morning I woke up and did my usual take a shower and get dressed routine (I know, it's 7:30am and already I'm referring to the morning as if it was in the past). I was putting on some pants and noticed that the waistline was really big, which is rather ironic since the pants were tailor made to fit my body. Anyhoo, I put on the pants and put on a belt and notice that I have no butt. Now, this is not some astonishing discovery. I have always known that I lack a posterior, but usually the lack of meat on my behind has never really bothered me but this morning it hit me that instead of not having a behind, I believe my behind actually caves in. I'm hoping its the pants, but I really don't think that all can be blamed on the pants. Now for those with rather large behinds, I know what you are thinking...boohoo for the girl that has no butt, I'd trade mine for hers in an instant. Well let me warn you, not having a butt has many disadvantages. For example, falling on your butt (which I do alot of, especially in the winter) hurts alot more without cushioning. Bottoms of any sort never look on you. And having a caved-in butt makes the previous 2 examples even more painful and ugly. The good news for me and my butt is that heridity is on my side. My mom was blessed with a very nice bubble butt (and she likes to point that out to me every once in a while), so I can only assume that as I age and gain more weight my posterior will fill in nicely like my mom's although she does have this thing now where she only gains weight in the middle of her body, and I would much rather prefer to have the weight spread evenly along my body.
The question now is, what do I do about my lack of a posterior in the meantime? One option is for me to always go back to shopping in the girls section, although dress pant selections are usually limited to flower powered pants, a look that hasn't quite hit mainstream adulthood yet. Or I could shop at the oh-so-hated Abercrombie and Fitch where pants with holes cost over $100 and girls are expected to have a concave behind. I could also stuff my pants like teenage girls do with other articles of clothing. The problem with that is obvious...awkward lumps, although in the winter I often wear long johns which proves that stuffing might be a verifiable option. My last option is to continue with the status quo and not care. This seems to be a good option until mornings like today hits and I remember that no butt often equals no love. So here you go, an insight into my mind, or at least a distorted snipit of an insight.

On a less shallow note, I'm writing a research paper for my politics class and have run across some really cool research on Christianity in China. I will not bore you with all the details of my findings, but one really interesting thing I learned is that there are about 80million underground Christians in China compared with the 14million registered Christians.

And now 3 more hours of work to go.....

Out of batteries

2005-12-02T11:30:00.000-06:00

I went to a concert last night to cheer on a friend as she played the saxophone. I brought my camera with me thinking that I could take some pictures as proof that I went to the concert. I see my friend and decided to take a picture only to have the camera tell me that I need to change batteries. "What the heck!" I said, "I just charged the batteries a few days ago and haven't even used the sucker since then." So here is my thought, maybe the reason my batteries drained is because I left them in the unplugged charger. Maybe the charger sucks the life out of the batteries when its not pumping life into them. My reason for this thought is that I usually leave batteries in my camera for weeks even months at a time after charging them and it all still works, but when they magically come out of the camera the life of the batteries gets sucked out in matter of minutes. Lesson: things that give life often times suck out life as well.

Side note, people should not eat nice smelling food at their cubes when its close to lunch time, it makes me hungry and jealous.

Biographies and autobiographies

2005-12-01T08:02:00.000-06:00

So I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday to find myself a good book to read. I had a few ideas in mind when I went, but mostly wanted to browse until something inexpensive and intersting caught my eye. Now fair warning, I did go to a rather small B&N by Lake Calhoun, so the subject of my rant may be a little unfair but it's my blog and I can write what I want.
I decided I wanted to see if the store had a book by Deitrich Bonhofer- here we have a fairly famous person talking about a fairly infamous war relating a fairly well-know religion.
So I started in the Religous/Christianity section. No book- however, I did find some interesting Christian romance novels and a shelf of women and their feelings books. Alright, so I'm a women, but I don't find it necessary to read or even browse through a shelf full of self-help books that all deal with the same stuff and offer the same advice. For the record, I already know that my identity is in Christ and that singleness is not the end of my life. For those of you planning on reading one of these books- sorry, I ruined the ending for you.
Next I went to the biography section. No book- in fact I browse through the entire section only to find books on such nonrelevant historical figures like Alan Alda (the guy from Family Ties), Drew Barrymore, at 5 books on Maya Angelou, Warren Baeuty, and countless other biographies on people I've never heard of. I though the whole point of a biography is that it is suppose to be about someone who is interesting, lived through as interesting period, or has interesting insights on life. No dis to Drew Barrymore, but seriously, you are no Dietrich Bonhofer.
Finally, I went to the history and WWII section. No book- in fact everything in this section was filled with colored photos of history and war. What? People who want to learn about history all of a sudden lost their capability to read?
What I must conclude from my trip to B&N is that pop culture today has no taste and no culture. And to make it worse, book stores- the one place where you think you'd find culture, are now part of the cultural trap. You can find a bazillion books on relationships, democrats, and horses, but not one book on something relevant- like Deitrich Bonhofer. Maybe Deitrich is not relevant, but that's just an example. Pick any famous historical person you know (and Brittney Spears does not count) and try going to the book store to find a book on them. Chances are, you won't find them. But you will find a book on horses, dogs, cats, and even one on Wellstone and why he's god. What has the world come to?

Turkey Day

2005-11-24T17:28:00.000-06:00

I hate the name Turkey Day. Isn't the Thanksgiving name cool enough to stand on its own? Why does it need a nickname, and one that's as unrelevant as Turkey Day? Besides, don't people eat turkey on Christmas? I don't hear them dubbing Christmas as Turkey Day Number Two. If you're going to nickname Thanksgiving, you might as well call it Pilgrim Day, at least would give the day a little more distinction.

I'm spending the day at my aunt and uncles and have decided to take a break from typing my paper and engaging in Bob the Builder fun with my little cousin. Tonight, I get to go online and talk to my parents and grandparents who are in China right now, the marvels of video conferencing! And tomorrow is an exciting day of shopping. Although I'm not as excited as I normally am. There's nothing out there in the land of retail that interests me enough to dig into my wallet and purchase, but whatever, its better than spending the day at home and writing papers (although that is probably what I should be doing).

Hill's mom is over at my place for the weekend and she brought over a traditional Thanksgiving dinner, so I'm going to be eating awesome food for the next few days! (I've also heard rumors of baking by her and Hill, and they made the best desserts last year.)

Exactly 30 days left until I get to see my parents!

Bored at work

2005-11-21T09:15:00.000-06:00

I find what I am doing right now to be very wrong. I am at work and writing on my blog. But in my defense, I have absolutely nothing to do. I've gone around and asked for work, but have received none. So, now I'm wasting company money and time writing about nonsense that has nothing to do with my job.
I really hate not having anything to do. I feel like one of those unused assets that you find on a balance sheet but no one, including the asset itself, knows exactly what its suppose to do or perform. It's moments like these next two hours that makes me want to take the offer to fly to Pheonix. People keep telling me that when I get a real job (as oppose to this one?) I will never have free time again and will always be swamped with things to do. So far that has not proved true at any of the places I work at. Now if you will excuse me, I must find something to do so that I don't feel completely worthless.

The life of being single: clothing dramas

2005-11-19T10:11:00.000-06:00

I went out last night for the first time since August. I've really missed going out and losing my hearing and spending too much money on drinks (this may sound sarcastic, but I am very serious). Although I do have one question, what are you suppose to wear when you go out? I feel too old to be wearing Brittany Spears type clothes (I realize I have also dated myself by using her as a reference) and too stuffy to be wearing dress shirts and dress pants. Somehow I don't really think J.Crew sells clubbing clothes nor would I want to spend $100 for the scrapings of a normal shirt. So often I feel like I'm overdone or try too hard to stay cool but really, coolness passed me a long time ago. Or as my roommate likes to tell me, I look like I'm ready to go to a business meeting.
Being single and going out is a little different then when you're dating someone; the biggest difference is that you notice all the weird creepy guys a lot more. For example, there was this one guy who kept trying to get his grove on with my friends and me, so I thought I'd create a list of ways to avoid people like these when out and about at night:
1. Avoid eye contact. I prefer staring at the ceiling because when you look at the floor too much than you no longer exude confidence. Also, I think it's easier to trip when looking at the floor.
2. Don't smile. By keeping a serious face at all times, people think that you are antisocial and annoyances.
3. Keep your mind occupied. Theory: out of sight, out of mind.
4. Go out with lots of girls. This decreases your probability of being hit on for several reasons. Guys are scared of girls in groups and he is more likely to hit on your friends than you.
5. Drink just enough that you no longer think about this or care. This is my personal favorite, although it also the more expensive of the options. However, the trick here is to drink just the right amount . Too much means you've become tipsy, too little just leaves you feeling gross.

Bird Flu

2005-11-16T17:18:00.000-06:00

The bird flu killed someone in China the other day. All I have to say is, no more chicken eating when I'm in China.

2005-11-16T09:09:00.000-06:00

This is me being attacked by a wolf. Not a horse, and not a bear. The reason I'm being attacked is because I was found out to be a hetrosexual and people in Providencetown do not like people like me. So they sent this animal after my friends and me. This photograph was captured by an innocent bystander who decided it would be better to capture this moment on film than to help me. ;-)

The white balloon

2005-11-04T19:31:00.000-06:00

So there's this blimp that flies over Minneapolis/St Paul pretty much 24/7. It's meant to be a new form of advertising (or this is my hypothesis) but the form/method is very flawed. First, the print on the side of the blimp is so small that only a limited number of people can see it. Also, I believe this stupid blimp to be the cause of the numerous accidents I've witnessed in the last couple of months. People, like me, are driving along on the freeway and spot this oddity in the sky and we naturally try to see what is printed on the blimp, and them WHAM we forget to look at the car in front of us. Also I would like to remind advertisers and blimp owners of MN that we are a city that has domed everything! No one can see your stupid blimp signs. All it does it make people wonder why on earth someone would waste money flying a blimp in an area with no open stadiums, at times with no sporting events, and in areas where there are skyscrappers. It's retarted people like these that are filing for Chapter 13 bankruptcy. Stop being idiots, put the blimp away or build an open stadium.

The white board

2005-10-28T23:55:00.000-05:00

Here's Mike as Bam-bam
Here's me.

For Halloween I was a white board. Yep, that's right a white board. I dressed in all white. Affixed post it notes to myself. Affixed a note pad, a marker, and lots of white space to write comments. Actually, come to think of it, I was more like a message board than anything else. Nonetheless, the board was a big hit. I took pictures and as soon as I become motivated I will post my beautiful artwork for you all to see, until then you will have to use your imagination. You know, that thing inside your brain that works only at odd hours of the day such as 1am, 3:13pm, etc. You know what words look really similar? Brain and Brian, if you're not careful you can easily mistake word for the other. Really, its not fair to have two totally different words resemble so much. What was Webster thinking?

Early morning

2005-10-26T10:32:00.000-05:00

I woke up early this morning, does that sound like the lyrics to some song? I did not sleep very well at al last night. Caffiene at 8pm was definately NOT a good idea. I also woke up really early this morning, mostly because of all the nervous energy from having to take a midterm today. I have so many system analysis words and concepts floating around in my head, I'm going to have to be careful, if any of the information leaks out then I'm totally screwed. I feel like the guy from the IBM commercial, where he says all the information is up in his head and then gets knocked out. I feel like if anyone were to even look at my brain right now, the information would leak out.
Life is sweet because after today I will not have to study for another test until finals week.