More Personal: a dedication to Bec
I was told by a very good friend this week that my blogs aren't personal enough. So I promised her I would be more personal...although there is really nothing personal going on in my life right now, but I will give it a go.
This morning I woke up and did my usual take a shower and get dressed routine (I know, it's 7:30am and already I'm referring to the morning as if it was in the past). I was putting on some pants and noticed that the waistline was really big, which is rather ironic since the pants were tailor made to fit my body. Anyhoo, I put on the pants and put on a belt and notice that I have no butt. Now, this is not some astonishing discovery. I have always known that I lack a posterior, but usually the lack of meat on my behind has never really bothered me but this morning it hit me that instead of not having a behind, I believe my behind actually caves in. I'm hoping its the pants, but I really don't think that all can be blamed on the pants. Now for those with rather large behinds, I know what you are thinking...boohoo for the girl that has no butt, I'd trade mine for hers in an instant. Well let me warn you, not having a butt has many disadvantages. For example, falling on your butt (which I do alot of, especially in the winter) hurts alot more without cushioning. Bottoms of any sort never look on you. And having a caved-in butt makes the previous 2 examples even more painful and ugly. The good news for me and my butt is that heridity is on my side. My mom was blessed with a very nice bubble butt (and she likes to point that out to me every once in a while), so I can only assume that as I age and gain more weight my posterior will fill in nicely like my mom's although she does have this thing now where she only gains weight in the middle of her body, and I would much rather prefer to have the weight spread evenly along my body.
The question now is, what do I do about my lack of a posterior in the meantime? One option is for me to always go back to shopping in the girls section, although dress pant selections are usually limited to flower powered pants, a look that hasn't quite hit mainstream adulthood yet. Or I could shop at the oh-so-hated Abercrombie and Fitch where pants with holes cost over $100 and girls are expected to have a concave behind. I could also stuff my pants like teenage girls do with other articles of clothing. The problem with that is obvious...awkward lumps, although in the winter I often wear long johns which proves that stuffing might be a verifiable option. My last option is to continue with the status quo and not care. This seems to be a good option until mornings like today hits and I remember that no butt often equals no love. So here you go, an insight into my mind, or at least a distorted snipit of an insight.
On a less shallow note, I'm writing a research paper for my politics class and have run across some really cool research on Christianity in China. I will not bore you with all the details of my findings, but one really interesting thing I learned is that there are about 80million underground Christians in China compared with the 14million registered Christians.
And now 3 more hours of work to go.....
This morning I woke up and did my usual take a shower and get dressed routine (I know, it's 7:30am and already I'm referring to the morning as if it was in the past). I was putting on some pants and noticed that the waistline was really big, which is rather ironic since the pants were tailor made to fit my body. Anyhoo, I put on the pants and put on a belt and notice that I have no butt. Now, this is not some astonishing discovery. I have always known that I lack a posterior, but usually the lack of meat on my behind has never really bothered me but this morning it hit me that instead of not having a behind, I believe my behind actually caves in. I'm hoping its the pants, but I really don't think that all can be blamed on the pants. Now for those with rather large behinds, I know what you are thinking...boohoo for the girl that has no butt, I'd trade mine for hers in an instant. Well let me warn you, not having a butt has many disadvantages. For example, falling on your butt (which I do alot of, especially in the winter) hurts alot more without cushioning. Bottoms of any sort never look on you. And having a caved-in butt makes the previous 2 examples even more painful and ugly. The good news for me and my butt is that heridity is on my side. My mom was blessed with a very nice bubble butt (and she likes to point that out to me every once in a while), so I can only assume that as I age and gain more weight my posterior will fill in nicely like my mom's although she does have this thing now where she only gains weight in the middle of her body, and I would much rather prefer to have the weight spread evenly along my body.
The question now is, what do I do about my lack of a posterior in the meantime? One option is for me to always go back to shopping in the girls section, although dress pant selections are usually limited to flower powered pants, a look that hasn't quite hit mainstream adulthood yet. Or I could shop at the oh-so-hated Abercrombie and Fitch where pants with holes cost over $100 and girls are expected to have a concave behind. I could also stuff my pants like teenage girls do with other articles of clothing. The problem with that is obvious...awkward lumps, although in the winter I often wear long johns which proves that stuffing might be a verifiable option. My last option is to continue with the status quo and not care. This seems to be a good option until mornings like today hits and I remember that no butt often equals no love. So here you go, an insight into my mind, or at least a distorted snipit of an insight.
On a less shallow note, I'm writing a research paper for my politics class and have run across some really cool research on Christianity in China. I will not bore you with all the details of my findings, but one really interesting thing I learned is that there are about 80million underground Christians in China compared with the 14million registered Christians.
And now 3 more hours of work to go.....
posted by chen at 7:26 AM
2 Comments:
This reminds me of a "King of the Hill" episode where Hank goes to the doctor for back pain. He discoveres that he has a genetic disorder called Diminished Gluteal Syndrome (DGS), meaning that his butt is so small that he is actually sitting on his spine, causing stress.
The doctor gives Hank a perscription prosthetic butt to wear, consisting of two fluid-filled sacks to sit on, but the shame of it is too much until Peggy gets him to go to a DGS support meeting.
Best line:
Hank: You want me to wear a fake heiny?
Dr. Tate: Mr. Hill, are your shoes fake feet?
Thank You!
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