I'd like to raise a big class of Guinness to Os Guinness

I feel like this entry should be dedicated to Joe as it is very long and full of obersevational thoughts, although I did not preview this in Word like a good observation's would have.


I find Os Guinness to be a genius. This is at least the third time that I've gone through his book
The Call, yet I never get tired of what he has to say. Today I read one of my favorite chapters which focuses on something he calls the Protestant distortion. This is the elevation of the secular at the expense of the spiritual. It's a reminder for people like me that work, career, and life in general is not fulfilling unless there is Someone calling me. Often times I have a tendency to act like this life is it. That I need a good job. I need to be significant. But more than that, I think we all have a need to prove that we are significant, that our lives are worth something. It's not good enough to know that we are significant and matter, we feel we need to prove it through the things we do, the people we meet, etc. But Os Guinness is so genius in reminding me that "everyone, everywhere, in everything" is not my calling in life. My primary calling in life is to Him, for Him, and by Him. Work matters because God matters. It's not that I will find significance in work, because I never will. But what makes work special is that God is special. I can never fulfill my true calling unless I am able to successfully fulfill both my primary calling and my secondary calling. Being called by God, to God, for God is not enough because God has also called me to everyone, everywhere, in everything. The great thing about the secondary calling is that it changes as I grow in Christ and learn from life. So right now I feel passionate about people and relationships but who knows what I will feel passionate about 5 years from now. But the neat thing is that my primary calling never changes. Oswald Chambers once said, "The one aim of the call of God is the satisfaction of God, not a call to do something for Him." I'm learning this more and more each day.

Once again this week I had to do a reality check on my life. On Tuesday night I returned a phone call from the missionary couple I am suppose to be working with this summer in China. I find out that they will most likely not be returning to China this Januraury. Right away my heart sank and I had flashbacks of what happened in the summer of 2003. That summer I was planning on going to China with the same couple for a 6 week missionary stay. About 3 weeks before the trip the SARS epidemic became too serious and the trip was cancelled. Even now I do not truly understand why God would challenge me and prepare me for a trip that He never had any intention of me going on. As I hung up the phone on Tuesday night the same thoughts ran through my mind. I had never wanted to go on mission trips and even now I often hesitate and am scared to go; but I know that this is what God wants for me to do and just like Jeremiah I feel like I can not shut it up inside of me. That night I learned that I am a very selfish person. A big part of why I wanted to go to China was to get away from my life. I look around me and I see so much materialism and selfish ambitions in my life and I wanted to get away from it so that I can learn to be selfish without materialism and ambition- aka I wanted to "discover" myself. Seriously, nothing is more selfish than that. Discovering myself--what makes me so important that I should be discovered anyway? Well, I came away from my Tuesday night experience and my Wednesday thinking day with an understanding about the root of my selfishness; but one thing still remained- I still feel called to that part of China, my heart still wanted to go there.

Well, God definitely has a sense of humor. The missionary couple calls me back on Thursday morning and we decide that we will meet tomorrow morning at 9am (I know, it's a Saturday!), Unable to contain my curiosity, I ask what they think the plan will be for me. And they said that they are thinking that since they will not be going back this spring that they would like for me to take over some of their teaching roles. Wow! I get to spend even more time with high school girls! This was amazing because I had truly thought that my options would be go with people I don't know and do this thing that I have never heard about or prepared for or prayed about; instead, it looks like I get to dig deeper into an area that I have a very soft spot for. What an amazing opportunity! Although so many things are still up in the air, I am confidant of a few things. What's meant to be will always be and nothing is ever over or complete because God is never over or complete.

I also got my case write up back from my strategic management class on Thursday and I got a 29 out of 30 on it which to me is the equivalent of an A++ since my professor thinks he's literally God's gift to strategy analysis- which he is not, I know people that have googled him and can prove it. Still, it was a nice redemptive day after a STRESSFUL week of writing papers (well, only one paper, but since my TA thinks I am a moron, it turned out to be alot harder than I had anticipated). I suppose I should praise God for Nike and its sweatshop laborers but somehow that seems inappropriate.