John 8

I thought it was really interesting in John 8:30 where it says, "as He spoke these things (referring to things about Jesus being the Messiah), many came to believe in Him" and how for the rest of the chapter thereafter the people that believed Jesus in 8:30 went on this rant of sorts and ended up winding to stone him. So this leads me to to possible conclusions:

1. The people didn't really understand what it was that they are believing
2. Their belief was shallow

Conclusion 1:
I don't know how much I believe in this conclusion because this verse came right after Jesus' rant on how He's from God and sent by God and if it was a misunderstanding, then I think John would have pointed it out like he did in other chapters.

Conclusion 2:
This was the conclusion that I drew from the reading. I came to this conclusion because Jesus than went on to say some really hard things. Things like, you have to abide in my Word and God now has to be your father.
It must be easy to believe in things when there is nothing to be held accountable to, but so much more difficult when we have to make choices. I can see this so often in Christianity today. So many people call themselves Christians and believe that Jesus is who he says he is. But then when it's time to make a choice, they fight against God. They say things like, "God cannot be a loving God if...." and so many other things to make themselves feel comfortable.

The question that I have is, do people with shallow faith still go to Heaven? Romans 10:9-10 talks about confessing and believing...and people with shallow faith have that. But Romans also talks about a transforming faith (12:2) and many shallow Christians do not have that. 1 Corinthians talks about people still needing milk instead of solid food...but it makes the assumption that people crave solid food. What if people are ok with milk for the rest of their life? The gospels (John I think) talks about how narrow the road to Heaven is...does that mean shallow believers are not on this road? Otherwise the road would seem to be fairly wide and uncrowded.
I know some people may argue that if we have the Spirit inside of us, we cannot continue in shallow faith. But I know that in my walk, I have often tried to suppress the spirit's leading and guidance...and sadly, it was rather easy to do. So why cannot shallow Christians do that, especially if they were never truly trained to understand the spirit's directive?
I also understand that James talks about how even the demons believe in Jesus, so belief alone is not enough. But the thing is, demons don't praise God but alot of shallow Christians do. Their Christianity is one of comfort, but it's still very different than that of the demons.
I don't know the answer to my questions. Some days I think shallow Christians are only Christians by heritage but other days I think that they believe all the same things I do, but just have no desire to grow stronger.

Navs

I was talking to a good friend the other day about the level of involvement with student groups that different people have. Since my freshmen year I have been involved with the Navigators. I was super involved my sophomore year and took a break my junior year to pursue other avenues of leadership and this year I've pretty limited myself to leading Bible Study on Tuesday nights. My friend has also been involved since his freshmen year and continues to be heavily involved with all aspects of the club. We were talking the other day and he shared with me his frustrations with people, mainly upperclassmen, who no longer go to Navs or "greet people" when they come to Navs. He thought it was very selfish of these people to only go to or be involved in something when they were benefiting from the organization, but once the people felt that they had no more benefits, they stopped being involved. I can understand where he is coming from, but I am also torn.

The premise for his argument is that, Navs isn't always going to fill you up but that there's a duty or obligation that overrides personal benefit. I partly agree with that. There are many things in life that we often do not feel like doing (like reading the Bible, prayer, etc) but have been called to obedience to do because in the long run, these things will better us and our relationship with God. However, I also have several big disagreements with my friend's argument.

Another premise for his argument is that the people in Navs and the Navigator organization should be growing together. I do not necessarily agree with that outlook. Navigators is an organization that is meant to serve the college population; it provides discipleship opportunities and fellowship for those looking to get connected and belong to the body of Christ. However, people grow out of college and move onto different things. Navs cannot grow out of college. What this means is that Navs will teach and reach a very specific genre of people. Navs will grow them and (hopefully) aid them in developing a deeper relationship with Jesus. But once growth occurs, the Nav model may no longer fit where the person is spiritually. It's not Nav's fault, and it's not the person's fault. But then the question becomes, do you continue to play in a pool that you have grown out of?

I have struggled with this question a lot in the past. Part of me does feel this sense of duty to an organization that has invested in me, but another part of me wants to take what I have received and invest it in other areas that I feel led to. However, we are only one person with a finite amount of time. Last year I chose to get involved with high school ministry which meant that Navs had to take a backseat. Do I feel bad? A little. But I would have felt worse if I had continued with my leadership involvement in Navs knowing that my heart was not there and that I could have invested both my heart and time in something that really mattered to me and God's kingdom.

Obviously, some people have to be in the pool, but I feel hypocritical telling someone to stay somewhere simply out of duty. I think there is a balance, but I'm not sure where the balance is. I can see and understand my friend's point very well. But I have also been that person who dreaded going to Navs but continued to go because of a sense of duty. So which is more important? And where is the balance?

Chcago

So I was, and still am, in Chicago this weekend. At first I was really not looking forward to the trip but then I got here and saw the city skyline and I started to get excited at the idea of this weekend. And then the conference started and I'm meeting and talking to all these really nice people and eating really yummy food (and also met a really cute boy :-) But then...the dreaded case competition began. So here's the deal, in my group were a total of 6 people: 2 from Northwestern, 1 from Michigan State, 1 from Indiana State, and 1 from Madison. It started of ok, for the first half hour or so and then it turned bad. People were talking in really loud voices and yelling, this one guy kept saying he had ADD and could not stop walking around and the other girl just sat next to me in complete silence. So this happened from 7:30pm until about 10:30pm. During this time I was about ready to lose it, every single time me or this other guy Marcus would talk, the one guy from NW would cut us off and go on some stupid tangent. I got so angry! I've decided people from NW and Princeton are snobs and pricks. None of these people take business classes or know anything about the PRACTICE of business yet every single one thinks that they have THE right answer and are spouting off theories like they know everything. By the end of the night, all I wanted to do was just drink lots and lots. I was suppose to go out the bars with these people but after the horrible 3 hour event I decided to not go out with these people as I would probably lose it and do or say something stupid.

Anyways, my beef is with ivy leaguers. I don't understand why they think they are better than everyone else. All people learn at these schools are theories and philosophies, none of which does any good in the real world. Yet they all think they know the right answers and most importantly, know more than us Big Ten school people. I have never been more upset and literally sick to my stomache about such an inconsequential thing as I was last night. It's good thing there were a couple of others in my group to keep me sane. And even better that I get to home in a couple of hours.

There must be something in the air

So both my roommate and I have been feeling blah lately. She's engaged to this really nice guy but they've hit on some rough times and so she's feeling really blah and I've been feeling blah for the last four months. And you know what they say, misery loves company.

We have moments of clarity every now and then, but then we also have these horrible "ahhh" moments. For example I came home today from work and I found my roommate in a rather bad mood and I was like "what's wrong?" After the usual, I don't want to talk about it response she told me about her problems with Drew. Mostly it came down to communication and how they are very different their communication style was. Anyways, it just broke my heart to see her struggling in her relationship with Drew.

And then there's me who has had "the look of death" every now and then as well as the depressive sighs (all in my roommate's words). So here we were these two really depressed looking girls who haven't really eaten anything in the last few days and are losing weight by the pounds each day. We get into these funks every now and then and I find the situation a little funny. There's nothing sadder then 2 girls moping around and going, "uhh, I can't hold anything down" and "uhh, life sucks." The only thing that seems to cheer us up is the Weight Watchers commercial. We think our neighbors' smelly food and cooking have seeped into our apartment and affected our brains.

My thoughts on trust

At church yesterday Kurt spoke a little about trust and how from the moment we meet someone we subconsciously put the other person on trial for trust. They do something, and it earns our trust; they don't do something, and they lose our trust. And I think this theory sums up my generation's attitude on trust pretty well: everyone is on trial all the time when it comes to trust. This may or may not be a bad thing, except that everyone is human and therefore everyone will fail someone else's trust at some point or another.

Last week I had a chance to talk to Marti Kidd, who is on staff with the Navigators. I had to interview her about trust for my purchasing class and I asked her about her views on trust for my generation. First, she told me how when she was growing up, her friends and family naturally trusted people without the other party needing to "prove themselves." Then she told that she thinks my generation is less trusting then her generation, that we are always looking for signs of trust before we will place our trust in the other person. But here's the beautiful part of what Marti said: she said that this lack of trust that she sees in my generation comes from the fact that we no longer have good examples of trust in our lives; aka her generation has let my generation down. From divorce to politics to whatever, that it's not a coincidence that my generation is looking for proof. I thought what she said was really poignant and also true. But also very sad.

I want to trust people with an open heart and to do so without them having to prove themselves trustworthy. It's like my generation has lost the childlike faith that is needed to trust and instead almost expects the other person to let them down. It's like we almost look for ways for people to fail us and when we do we either 1. Say I told you so or 2. Say I don't understand how this could have happened.
I'm not saying that we lax the trust rules and go around making poor decisions and choices in friendships and relationships. I think I'm saying that we need to forgive better and not hold people to such high of expectations; because the higher you are, the harder and faster you fall.

A few weeks ago 2 close friends and I had "the burrito incident" where I had thought that I lost my trust in them completely and really didn't know how our friendships were going to heal and move on from this. It's true what they say that the closer a person is to you, the more they can hurt you with the little things. Anyways, I remember telling my friend that I really don't trust them anymore and that "if you can't be there for me in the little things, how can you be there for me in the big things." But the things is, these people are my friends. And of course they are going to let me down, but the thing is, they didn't do it on purpose. Although I had truly thought they did do it on purpose and "should have obviously known," they didn't. And it's no one's fault. I let one mistake, one tiny little thing, decide their feelings and attitudes towards me for the next one hundred years. As if "the burrito incident" was going to happen everyday, everytime, we were together. "The burrito incident" may happen again in the future (in fact, I know it will) but should that make me trust my friends any less? NO, we all make mistakes and sometimes make the same ones over and over again, but in the gap between the mistakes and trust is LOVE. And so here's the thing: trust isn't solely based on what the other person does. If it was, then I'd have no friends and no one to trust me and no one for me to trust, but it based on something more. It's based on the other person's heart and desire: what I mean is, trust is based our desire to serve and and be with the other person. Ultimately, my friends desire to be there for me, and sometimes that comes out looking like a big mess but their heart's in the right place and although what happened still hurts when I think about it, I also think about how this last week they were there for me during some of my roughest moments. And I know that "the burrito incident" was just an incident and not something for me to base our future trust and friendship on.

I think we take this whole, "don't break my trust and if you do, it can never be mended again" thing too seriously. At least, I know I do. I don't think trust really works like that. Yeah, if someone continuously lies to me or breaks my trust then I would probably not trust that person; but in general, I say go for it. Trust everyone, don't let them prove themselves because that takes too long and we can start becoming too legalistic about it as well. I say, no more trials and more open trust.

Got burned!

Ok, so I wasn't feeling very well this morning and Matt came over to help me out. I told him that I had a stomach ache and wished that I had a heating pad. At first he took a towel and tried to get it as hot as he could and put it on my stomach. But the towel wasn't very hot and made my sheets moist which also wasn't so good. So then he decided to put the towel on a plate and heat up in a microwave. That seemed to do the trick, but the towel was still really hot and wet. Finally, we just took the plate with the hot towel on it and put the plate on my stomach. We also put another plate on top of the towel and made a hot plate heating pad sandwich. The good news is, the plate stayed really hot for a really long time so I found a really good cheap replacement for a heating pad. Well, a little over 4 hours later I decided to take a shower and when I looked in the mirror, I saw huge red prints on my stomach. Oops! I think I burned myself with a plate. Bet you don't hear that everyday.

A mid semester review of the year

I am officially half way done with the semester and so it's time for another look back down the school year. Well, this semester has gone by very quickly, probably because I only have 8 weeks worth of classes this semester. Most days I don't really feel like a student, but this also makes me appreciate school more. I hate getting up at 7am, and just once I would like to sleep in on a Monday. Also, I've really enjoy listening to my professors talk, most have alot of wisdom and really great insight on business. And as always, I love the people at school.

As for the year, well fall feels like it was years ago. It seems like it was another lifetime. It feels like I've lived two very different lives this year. There's the me of the fall: very legalistic in my mindset and actions. And then there's me now: I don't know how to describe it other than post-modern, although I think this word is often overused and misused (including by people like me). I think alot of things have caused the changes in me. One of which I will detail here.

Earlier this school year I read Blue Like Jazz followed by all of Don Miller's other books. His theology and outlook on Christianity has challenged me alot in my walk this year. His novels coupled with church and some other books I've read has really impacted my thoughts and actions. Miller made Chrisitianity sound so simple (probably because it is) and so universal. For example, I look around me and often times see and feel like church is no longer designed for those seeking Christ but for those who've already found him. And his stories on life has challenged me and reminded me that everyone wants Jesus. Not everyone wants Christianity, but I believe that everyone wants Jesus. And if this is true, then it makes sharing Jesus very easy. I'm not trying to sell someone on something they don't want, but rather giving the people what they want.

And this outlook, put into action, is much different than the me that was this fall. This fall I was still trying to do everything and be everywhere. But now, it doesn't really matter where I am or what I do, so long as I do it with all the purpose that I have in me. And so I've cut back alot on my commitments and different things and people that I'm involved in and with. I miss alot of the stuff I did last year and alot of the people I don't get to spend as much time with. But at the same time I think things like Bible study and the friendships that I do have have been more intentional and have grown tremendously.

I wish alot of things were different or turned out differently this semester and I wish that I had alot of my stuff for the future settled. But I'll take whatever God decides to dish out to me. Today I was reading Job and I think this verse sums up the school year fairly well: The Lord gives and the Lords takes away, but I will bless the name of the Lord.

As I look to wrap up my time in college, I pray that God will show me where to go and heal the the brokeness that is inside of me. I also pray that I will continue to shine for Him, even when I feel like a lump coal. Finally, I just pray that as God looks back at my time in college that I will hear the words "well done good and faithful servant" from Him soneday when I stand in Gloryland.

Ok, I have moer to say about my horrible last 24 hours.

I now have this guy asking me to be my Facebook friend. He's really old and creepy and I don't even know how he knows me or found my info. I thought he worked with my friend Jordan, but he doesn't and now he keeps messaging me. Boo.

Also my ears won't stop bleeding. And they're starting to hurt, I'll probably get an infection and then green ear lobes for the next three weeks.

Thanks guys!

I found out some rather heart breaking news yesterday and I just want to thank Bec, Hill, and Matt for being there for me. Ecc 4:9 says that two are better than one for they have a good return on their works, and that is so true. Sometimes there's nothing your friends can say to make you feel better about a situation; but like Job's friends, often times just sitting with them is more than enough. So thanks guys for being there for me when I really needed it!

Also, I was reading and thinking about Psalm 37 this morning and I was reminded that I was young and now I am old, but I have never seen the righteous foresaken. And though I fall, I will not fall headlong because He is holding my hand. And I think that's the beautiful thing about our relationship with God, we can get so mad at Him for our current situation, but we know that we can never stop loving Him.

Does this make me wierd?

I just finished writing a paper on trust and purchasing for my purchasing class while watching Oprah and drinking Mike's. I feel a little bit buzzed right now, which has made paper writing a little more challenging. I'm looking forward to editing my paper tomorrow and seeing if anything that I have written makes sense. Is it considered an alcoholic behavior to drink alone while watching Oprah?

BTW- today's Oprah has Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. They are so sweet to each other. I hope someday my husband will be as sweet to me as Tim is to Faith. I think I am rambling now and I'm starting to shake a little bit. (I think the shaking is from the coldness) I have to prep Bible study in a little bit, I hope this fuzzy feeling wears off because I'm leading BS on my own today and it would not be cool to have this feeling during the study.

Ok, I've put the drinks away now...but it tastes so good :-)

For as high as His ways are about ours...

You know how there are people that you meet or are friends with and although you are not an intrict part of their lives, you pray that they are surrounded with wonderful Christian friends? I have a few friends who I have met over the years and because of geography or whatever reason, we do not keep in touch as much as we should.
Last night I was talking to a friend from school about a mutual friend we both have. I met our mutual friend a couple years back and spent almost 2 months traveling and getting to know the person. He's not a Christian but he has such a wonderful personality and heart and I prayed that God would just surround him with wonderful people who loved Jesus. Well, God totally answered my prayers. It turns out that this guy's roommate for the last two years has been a guy from Navs (whose name and face I totally did not put together until much later). And so in my conversation last night I asked my friend how our mutual friend was doing in his faith. Although I wish I could say that a beautiful conversion story emerged, it didn't. But talking to my friend was a wonderful reminder about how God works and is working in ways we cannot see. My friend told me how God had surrounded our mutual friend with others who were intentional in their relationship with him and I think that although no outward signs of change can be seen God is totally trying to work and pierce through my friend's heart. Praise God for working in the hearts of men and for working in ways we cannot see or understand.

On the Office last night one of the guys said something about how if women got together for too long they'd all be on the same cycle and then they'd plug up the plumbing...I don't know if that's true or not but my roommate and I have had some weird "twin" moments as of late:

1. Yesterday: we both randomly decided to get our haircut. We talked about the possibility a couple of weeks and ago and yesterday (without even mentioning it to each other) went out and got our haircuts. The strange thing is that we both got our hair cut in almost the exact same style (hard to imagine since that means my roommate chopped off her hair).

2. We both decided yesterday to buy a box of hair coloring and color our hair. Odd, since we never discussed this and since we both have not done anything to our hairs in a very long time.

3. Finally, yesterday we both purchased a ten pound bag of potatoes, so we now have 20lbs of potatoes in our possession. This is odd because I was not planning on buying pototoes yesterday and just happened across them at Super Target. My roommate also does not purchase big bags of pototoes (we try to limit our tato intake to 5lbs per purchase) but decided what the heck when she was at Rainbow yesterday.

All this I found out last night after she came home. I think it's sign that we have been living together for too long. It's a good thing she's getting married.

The perils of being a women

A couple of nights ago my computer experienced the blue screen of death and now it's at Best Buy for a diagnostic check. The horrible thing is, I just finished paying off my computer this month and it makes me sad to think that I might have to spend money to get my computer fixed. I hava a warranty but the guys at Best Buy says it doesn't cover my possible problem. The good news is that my friend told me that the same thing happened to his girlfriend and he went in and did some talking and yelling and showing of her contract and got the thing fixed for free.
But this leads me to my beef. Why is it that girls are seen as incompetent when it comes dealing with these sort of "get in the salesperson's face" situations. Earlier this fall, I had another computer problem with Best Buy and the situation got so frustrating that I almost started crying in the store (but I didn't, instead I went to my car and called people to complain). I think the people who at these places know that girls are weak and so they just push us around all the stinkin time. Well, I'm sick of people treating me like that. I bet if one of my guy friends had gone into the store with the same problem, they wouldn't have been like, "oh it's for sure a software problem, do you want to prepay to get it fixed?"
Whatever, boys are stupid.


(Ok, I do admit that I have received alot of things for free because I am a girl. But if I were to do a cost-benefit analysis on the things that I have received for free and the opportunity cost of the things that I have experienced grief about... the cost is much greater than the benefit. Sometimes being a girl is very difficult)